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The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree?

Smoking kills! As most of the folks in the country new the fact that smoking is injuries to health. For long and smooth life, doctors recommends not to smoke, which could be far more hazardous to our life. Moreover, the individuals who smoke in public are forcing other's life in danger through passive smoking. Hence, in my opinion, government should ban smoking in all public places. Still, considering the people who are extremely addicted to it can not forgive this habit of smoking. For such people, this kind of rules implemented by government could be a restriction. The freedom of smoking will get snatched from them. Although having a greater prospective on this, it could be more relief to people who do not smoke and has some or other kind of worries from those who smoke. More Importantly, it could have a very adverse effect on kid surrounded to smokers in public places. As discussed earlier, the issue of passive smoking will get declined and their will be no adverse effect on their health indirectly. In my knowledge, few of the state government has proposed the rule to ban smoking in all the public or crowed places. A distinct section has build for the smokers where ever needed. For examples in big shopping malls, corporate buildings, few of the government offices, a detached section or a room has been designated specifically for the smoking. Anyways, I would like to sum up with the conclusion that, government should ban smoking in crowed places or public places so that it could be better for the people who do not smoke and could not affect their health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
kills!
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
most of the folks in the country new the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is injuries to health. For long and smooth life, doctors recommends not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
, which could be far more hazardous to our life.
Moreover
, the individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
are forcing other's life in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
through passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
Hence
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places.

Still
, considering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
extremely
addicted to it can not forgive this habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. For such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
implemented by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could be a restriction. The freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
snatched from them. Although having a greater prospective on this, it could be more relief to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
and has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
or other kind of worries from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
. More
Importantly
, it could have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
adverse effect on kid surrounded to smokers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places.

As discussed earlier, the issue of passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
declined and their will be no adverse effect on their health
indirectly
. In my knowledge, few of the state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has proposed the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
or crowed places. A distinct section has build for the smokers where ever needed. For examples in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
shopping malls, corporate buildings, few of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
offices, a detached section or a room has
been designated
specifically
for the smoking.

Anyways, I would like to sum up with the conclusion that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in crowed places or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it could be better for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
and could not affect their health.
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IELTS essay The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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