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The following argument was made in a newspaper editorial:“The autonomy of any country is based on the strength of its borders; if the number of illegal immigrants entering a country cannot be checked, both its economy and national identity are endangere

The following argument was made in a newspaper editorial: “The autonomy of any country is based on the strength of its borders; if the number of illegal immigrants entering a country cannot be checked, both its economy and national identity are endangere 56k9P
The countries autonomy is based on a number of factors like the mindset of the people residing, the patriotism, relations with the neighboring people, intentions of the people and also corruption. However, according to the article, the autonomy of any country depends upon the strength of its borders only. The article provides a general information to supports its argument with a number of flaws which could be highlighted. To start with, as mentioned earlier, the autonomy of any country is based on wider spectrum of factors and not just the border. Though border is a symbol of autonomy, however it is not the only reason. For example, the people of the country who are corrupt might destroy the country and its autonomy from within. In such cases, an immigrant is not necessarily the culprit. Secondly, the articles says about the illegal immigrants that need to be checked, but nowhere mentions what the actual intentions of these immigrants were. A many would have come in search for jobs from poor countries who wouldn't be allowed otherwise, to earn a livelihood. It might also happen that these immigrants purposely not checked by the border security in return for bribe. An immigrant might harm the economy and pose a threat to national identity, but the article mentions no evidence regarding this. The illegal immigrants may or may not harm the national integrity of the country. Also, the author mentions that because the illegal immigrants pose threats they must be sent back to their respective countries. However, if these immigrants who actually came in search of job, form the baseline of every industry to carry out degraded work at lower rates, the removal of such people would directly effect the economy. Lastly, if actually there are threats, important must be given to prevention, rather than putting all the power to cure it. Border must be safeguarded and every immigrant must be checked thoroughly and his background must be assessed. His real intentions should be noted and only then a conclusion must be made. Hence, the argument does provide information and threats on the immigrants, but fails to provide any occurrence of national threat.
The
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
autonomy
is based
on a number of factors like the mindset of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
residing, the patriotism, relations with the neighboring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, intentions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
corruption.
However
, according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
autonomy
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
depends upon the strength of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
borders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
provides
'information' is a mass noun (i.e., uncountable). Therefore, the preceding 'a' is probably wrong.
a general information
to supports its argument with a number of flaws which could
be highlighted
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, as mentioned earlier, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
autonomy
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is based
on wider spectrum of factors and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
border
. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
border
is a symbol of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
autonomy
,
however
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
who are corrupt might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
autonomy
from within. In such cases, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrant
is not
necessarily
the culprit.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
articles
says about the illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
that need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowhere mentions what the actual intentions of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
were. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in search for jobs from poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who wouldn't be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
otherwise
, to earn a livelihood. It might
also
happen that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
purposely
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
border
security in return for bribe. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrant
might harm the economy and pose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
threat
to national identity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
article
mentions no evidence regarding this. The illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
may or may not harm the national integrity of the country.

Also
, the author mentions that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
pose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
threats
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
back to their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
who actually came in search of job, form the baseline of every industry to carry out degraded work at lower rates, the removal of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
directly
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
the economy.

Lastly
, if actually there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
threats
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to prevention,
rather
than putting all the power to cure it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Border
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be safeguarded
and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
thoroughly
and his background
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be assessed
. His real intentions should
be noted
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
then a conclusion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
.
Hence
, the argument does provide information and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
threats
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fails to provide any occurrence of national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
threat
.
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IELTS essay The following argument was made in a newspaper editorial: “The autonomy of any country is based on the strength of its borders; if the number of illegal immigrants entering a country cannot be checked, both its economy and national identity are endangere

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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