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The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper The librarians in our town s school system have reported that the number of trips that our students make to their school library on a voluntary basis has decreased significantly in recen

The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper The librarians in our town s school system have reported that the number of trips that our students make to their school library on a voluntary basis has decreased significantly in recen e586V
The author of the editorial section purports that the reading done by students and to tackle the situation the town must ameliorate the atmosphere of libraries making them more conducive for students to work, thus eliminating discomfort as a reason for the low turnouts and lesser time spent by students in the libraries. The author cites survey conducted in a school library to determine the number of visits an average student makes to library. The author's claims seems to be based on some unwarranted assumptions. The following four paragraphs discuss the clarifications the author must provide make a cogent case. Firstly, The survey conducted in the school library doesn't consider or state the fact that students have to attend classes. Perhaps, the low number of students showing up at the shcool library is primarily because students spend more time attending classes. Perhaps, they have an hectic schedule and curriculum to cover and spending time in the library becomes a luxury. The author must consider the above stated conditions else the above survey fails to underpin the author's argument. Secondly, there are other sources of reading materials which the students might be accessing other than libraries. Perhaps the students prefer reading from online sources on the internet, residing in the comfort of their home rather than travelling or going to the library to read. It is also possible the libraries though comfortable lack the facilities like internet connection which might be the primary source from where students access reading materials. The author fails to inform the readers that whether the libraries are equipped with technologies and facilities that the students require for reading and working purposes. Thirdly, it is possible that the location of the libraries in the town are not readily accessible to the students. Perhaps, even though the students are willing to visit the libraries, the long distances and traffic bridles them from doing so. The author must ensure and provide information about the accessibility of these libraries. If the students find these libraries hard to reach or access they are very likely to adopt other technologies that are more conducive. Lastly, it is also possible that libraries charge students some amount as membership fees whereas students can access reading materials for free from sources like the internet. The author must investigate if the membership charges are one of the reasons that is discouraging sudents from visiting libraries. In conclusion, the above reasons render the argument weak. The author must consider the suggestions stated earlier to make a cogent argument.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
of the editorial section purports that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and to tackle the situation the town
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ameliorate the atmosphere of libraries making them more conducive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to work,
thus
eliminating discomfort as a reason for the low turnouts and lesser time spent by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the libraries. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
cites survey conducted in a school library to determine the number of visits an average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
to library.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
author's claims seems to
be based
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unwarranted assumptions.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
following four paragraphs discuss the clarifications the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a cogent case.

Firstly
, The survey conducted in the school library doesn't consider or state the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
attend classes. Perhaps, the low number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
showing up at the
Possible spelling mistake found.
shcool
library is
primarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend more time attending classes. Perhaps, they have
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
hectic schedule and curriculum to cover and spending time in the library becomes a luxury. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider the above stated conditions else the above survey fails to underpin the author's argument.

Secondly
, there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
materials which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might be accessing other than libraries. Perhaps the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
from online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
on the internet, residing in the comfort of their home
rather
than travelling or going to the library to read. It is
also
possible the libraries though comfortable lack the facilities like internet connection which might be the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
from where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
materials. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
fails to inform the readers that whether the libraries
are equipped
with technologies and facilities that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
require for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and working purposes.

Thirdly
, it is possible that the location of the libraries in the town are not
readily
accessible to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Perhaps,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are willing to visit the libraries, the long distances and traffic bridles them from doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure and provide information about the accessibility of these libraries. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find these libraries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to reach or access they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely to adopt other technologies that are more conducive.

Lastly
, it is
also
possible that libraries charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount as membership fees whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
materials for free from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
like the internet. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
investigate if the membership charges are one of the reasons
that is
discouraging
Possible spelling mistake found.
sudents
from visiting libraries.

In conclusion
, the above reasons render the argument weak. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider the suggestions stated earlier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a cogent argument.
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IELTS essay The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper The librarians in our town s school system have reported that the number of trips that our students make to their school library on a voluntary basis has decreased significantly in recen

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
421 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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