Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

A recent study reported that pet owners have longer healthier lives on average than do people who own no pets Specifically dog owners tend to have a lower incidence of heart disease In light of these findings Sherwood Hospital should form a partnership wi

A recent study reported that pet owners have longer healthier lives on average than do people who own no pets Specifically dog owners tend to have a lower incidence of heart disease In light of these findings Sherwood Hospital should form a partnership wi Dlano
It stated in the prompt that, Sherwood Hospital should form a partnership with Sherwood Animal Shelter to institute an adopt-a-dog program for patient. Additionally they support this argument by stating that, according to study reported that pet owner have longer, healthier lives on average than do people who owns no pet. Specially, dog owner tend to have a lower incidence of heart disease. However, before it is blatant to answer some question before jumping to conclusion. First of all, what if, some patients don’t like the dog adoption program? Or what if, some patients have allergy to dog’s hair? Maybe some patient in the Sherwood Hospital doesn’t like pets due to reason like they have allergy or they are afraid of dogs. In this case it is plausible that patient in that hospital will be not filling comfortable and if patient in the hospital is not comfortable then it is blatant that their recovery rate reduces. Maybe it is also possible that some patients are allergic to dog’s hair which may give birth to other problems. If this happens to be true, then it is blatant that all patients will not like this idea and it may exacerbate the patient’s condition. Secondly, are dogs allowed in hospital? Or what is the possibility that all patients will be free from heart disease? Maybe, even if some of the patients adopt the dog they will not able to keep that dog in hospital as it is blatant that it will create problem to other patient who don’t like dogs or are allergic to dogs. In this case adopting a dog is useless as they will have to leave the dog at home. Some old heart patient will not be able to take care of the dog properly so it may create more stress to them as well as to the dog. In this case it may have adverse effect on their health. If this happen to be true then conclusion drown from the prompt does not hold the water. Finally, after heavy expenses on heart disease how many people will able to afford a dog? Or how many people will able to take good care of the dog? As maintaining the dog is very expensive and time consuming. So many patients will not able to afford the dog after heavy expenses on their health and even if they did they will not able to properly maintain that dog. If this happens to be true then conclusion made by arguer is not practically possible. In conclusion, the evidence provided by the arguer, that supports his claim, is dubious as well as erroneous. If all the questions are answer and more evidences are provided then it will strengthen the argument.
It stated in the prompt that, Sherwood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hospital
should form a partnership with Sherwood Animal Shelter to institute an adopt-a-dog program for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
they support this argument by stating that, according to study reported that pet owner have longer, healthier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on average than do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
owns
no pet.
Specially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
owner tend to have a lower incidence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
disease.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blatant
to answer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
question
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
jumping to conclusion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, what if,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
don’t like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
adoption program? Or what if,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
have allergy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog’s
hair? Maybe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
in the Sherwood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hospital
doesn’t like pets due to reason like they have
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
allergy or
they are afraid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dogs
.
In this case
it is plausible that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
will be not filling comfortable and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
is not comfortable then it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blatant
that their recovery rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
. Maybe it is
also
possible that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
are allergic to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog’s
hair which may give birth to other problems. If this happens to be true, then it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blatant
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
will not like this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and it may exacerbate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient’s
condition.

Secondly
, are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dogs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
? Or what is the possibility that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
will be free from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
disease? Maybe, even if
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
adopt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
they will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
as it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blatant
that it will create problem to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
who don’t like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dogs
or are allergic to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dogs
.
In this case
adopting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
is useless as they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
will not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it may create more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to them
as well
as to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
.
In this case
it may have adverse effect on their health. If
The verb 'happen' is plural. Did you mean: "this happens"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this happen
to be true then conclusion drown from the prompt does not hold the water.

Finally
, after heavy expenses on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
disease how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to afford a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
? Or how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
? As maintaining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to afford the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
after heavy expenses on their health and even if they did they will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
properly
maintain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
. If this happens to be true then conclusion made by arguer is not
practically
possible.

In conclusion
, the evidence provided by the arguer, that supports his claim, is dubious
as well
as erroneous. If all the questions are answer and more evidences
are provided
then it will strengthen the argument.

IELTS essay A recent study reported that pet owners have longer healthier lives on average than do people who own no pets Specifically dog owners tend to have a lower incidence of heart disease In light of these findings Sherwood Hospital should form a partnership wi

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
456 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • A recent study reported that pet owners have longer healthier lives on average than do people who own no pets Specifically dog owners tend to have a lower incidence of heart disease In light of these findings Sherwood Hospital should form a partnership wi