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The notion that employing people who sleep less would have higher profit may seem cogent at first glance. Because the study shows the performance of a worker with a shorter sleep would act better in some aspects. Notwithstand, this argument is filled up w

The notion that employing people who sleep less would have higher profit may seem cogent at first glance. Because the study shows the performance of a worker with a shorter sleep would act better in some aspects. Notwithstand, this argument is filled up w ljxJX
The notion that employing people who sleep less would have higher profit may seem cogent at first glance. Because the study shows the performance of a worker with a shorter sleep would act better in some aspects. Notwithstand, this argument is filled up with assumptions and logical mistakes. Three reasons would suffice to support that idea. To begin with, the arguer incorrectly assumes that the sleep with the same period provides the same outcome. Specifically, there are abundant evidence shows the deep sleep could bring more benefits and make people energetic. Therefore, it is equally possible that deep sleep takes a more significant place in making sure the extraordinary performing rather than sleep less. This factor may also act as a main cause of faster growth. Hence, the more evidence is needed to preclude that explanation. Moreover, the arguer fails to claim that sleeping less would bring all good feedback. However, well performance is decided by many aspects. That survey only provides the evidence of higher profit margins and faster growth. At the same time, they may become more careless and less energetic. This approach would not bring too many benefits than assuming. The arguer is necessary to glean more information to make sure how they live going in all aspects rather than some specific ones. Finally, even if the assumptions above are true, the arguer still fails to assume that all people sleep less could perform exceptionally. Individuals are different. Employing could not simply depend on the sleep time without concerning working skills and educational background. At the same time, a specific people who sleep less may not act as the assumption, performing normally or even worse. So judging employing by according sleep time only seems unfair. To sum up, the argument is less cogent than seems, for the lack of evidence to support assumptions. In order to rule out other explanations, it is essential to collect more information.
The notion that employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
would have higher profit may seem cogent at
first
glance.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the performance of a worker with a shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
would act better in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Notwithstand
, this argument
is filled
up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumptions
and logical mistakes. Three reasons would suffice to support that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the arguer
incorrectly
assumes that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
with the same period provides the same outcome.
Specifically
, there are abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the deep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
could bring more benefits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
energetic.
Therefore
, it is
equally
possible that deep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
takes a more significant place in making sure the extraordinary performing
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
. This factor may
also
act as a main cause of faster growth.
Hence
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
is needed
to preclude that explanation.

Moreover
, the arguer fails to claim that sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
would bring all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
feedback.
However
, well performance
is decided
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects. That survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
of higher profit margins and faster growth. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they may become more careless and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
energetic. This approach would not bring too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits than assuming. The arguer is necessary to glean more information to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
going in all aspects
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific ones.

Finally
, even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumptions
above are true, the arguer
still
fails to assume that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
could perform
exceptionally
. Individuals are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. Employing could not
simply
depend on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without concerning working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and educational background. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
may not act as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumption
, performing
normally
or even worse.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
judging employing by according
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
seems unfair.

To sum up, the argument is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
cogent than seems, for the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evidence
to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assumptions
. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
out other explanations, it is essential to collect more information.
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IELTS essay The notion that employing people who sleep less would have higher profit may seem cogent at first glance. Because the study shows the performance of a worker with a shorter sleep would act better in some aspects. Notwithstand, this argument is filled up w

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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