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The following appeared in an article in a health–and–fitness magazine: “Laboratory studies show that Saluda Natural Spring Water contains several of the minerals necessary for good health and that it is completely free of bacteria. Residents of Salu

The following appeared in an article in a health–and–fitness magazine: “Laboratory studies show that Saluda Natural Spring Water contains several of the minerals necessary for good health and that it is completely free of bacteria. Residents of Salu 850lk
The argument claims that Saluda Natural Spring Water is an essential investment in good health because, according laboratory studies, it contains necessary for health minerals had no bacteria and residents of the small town Saluda, where the water is sold, are not so frequently hospitalized as the national average. This conclusion, based solely on two pieces of evidence, is doubtful as it does not provide any clear information. Hence, the argument is unconvincing and has several flaws. First of all, the argument readily assumes that there were only laboratory studies, but there is no information about the research of this water in real conditions. As most people know, it is often differences between tests in laboratories and outside them due to the fact that it is impossible to consider all factors. In addition, the argument mentions containing several of the minerals necessary for good health, but it is also not stated what are they. What minerals are essential for good health? There is no objective criteria. Secondly, the argument makes an assumption that resident of small time have a good health due to the fact that in their habitat Saluda Natural Spring Water is bottled. The author fails to mention that there a lot of other factors which can influence people's health such as a lifestyle and food preferences. Also the less frequenters of hospitalization may be connected with the average age of residents in Saluda. Thirdly, the argument could have been much clearer if it provided the information on any national research which could be found in trust scientist's magazines as all real and essential studies scientist like to publish in such magazines. In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. To strengthen the argument the author would have to provide more evidence. Supporting examples would further substantiate the author's view. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
claims that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saluda
Natural Spring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Water
is an essential investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, according laboratory studies, it contains necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
minerals had no bacteria and residents of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saluda
, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is sold
, are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
frequently
hospitalized as the national average. This conclusion, based
solely
on two pieces of evidence, is doubtful as it does not provide any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is unconvincing and has several flaws.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
readily
assumes that there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
laboratory studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the research of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in real conditions. As most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
know, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
differences between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
in laboratories and outside them due to the fact that it is impossible to consider all factors.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
mentions containing several of the minerals necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
not stated what are they. What minerals are essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
? There is no objective criteria.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an assumption that resident of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
small time
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
due to the fact that in their habitat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saluda
Natural Spring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Water
is bottled
. The author fails to mention that there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
other factors which can influence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
such as a lifestyle and food preferences.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun frequenters is countable.
less
frequenters of hospitalization may
be connected
with the average age of residents in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saluda
.

Thirdly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
could have been much clearer if it provided the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on any national research which could
be found
in trust scientist's magazines as all real and essential
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "studies'" or "study's"?
studies
scientist like to publish in such magazines.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is flawed
for the above-mentioned reasons and is
therefore
unconvincing. To strengthen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
the author would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide more evidence. Supporting examples would
further
substantiate the author's view. Without this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.
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IELTS essay The following appeared in an article in a health–and–fitness magazine: “Laboratory studies show that Saluda Natural Spring Water contains several of the minerals necessary for good health and that it is completely free of bacteria. Residents of Salu

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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