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The following appeared in a memo from the Dean of the College of Education at Omni State University. "Only seven of our state's high schools offer even one course in Latin, but over 80 percent of the graduates who study Latin at those seven schools enroll

The following appeared in a memo from the Dean of the College of Education at Omni State University. " Only seven of our state's high schools offer even one course in Latin, but over 80 percent of the graduates who study Latin at those seven schools enroll Dlajp
The author argument mention they want to hire a teacher who can teach Latin to the children. However, this conclusion was flawed. Because there is just one study on this subject, the relation between the number of job seekers for a demanding job was not considered, and the relation between studying Latin and critical thinking was not clear. Firstly, There is one study one the relation between learning Latin and logic and critical thinking. It is a known fact being bilingual help student developing their thinking and broaden their horizon. So if the dean of the school say only children should learn Latin is not true. Every new language can help them develop their brain and become more familiar with logic. Secondly, there is a study that relates the Latin to the critical thinking. There is no evidence about the place and the age group of the participant. It is reasonable to use and learn about these people and family background the place they raise. In most case, For example, if the children have family tutor they learn Latin more frequency, they will good at math. One the other hand, The children who spend much more time with a bad friend it does not have a good result. Thirdly, In nowadays life the number of the people who study Latin is low. So they could find the job easier than other people. There is no grantee if the number of people surges, Finding the job is also Increase. It is sensible when the number increase dramatically, the job offer and the salary will decrease. So encourage children with different capability for learning the new language is not realistic. In the conclusion, according to the author, school want to change the circulation according to a new job opportunity, one study that the relation between the study and the conclusion was not transparent. For changing the student timetable need lots of think and consideration.
The author argument mention they want to hire a teacher who can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Latin
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, this conclusion
was flawed
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
on this subject, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relation
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers for a demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
was not considered, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relation
between studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Latin
and critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinking
was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.

Firstly
, There is one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
one the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relation
between learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Latin
and logic and critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinking
. It is a known fact being bilingual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
student developing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinking
and broaden their horizon.
“So if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So if
the dean of the school say
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Latin
is not true. Every new language can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop their brain and become more familiar with logic.

Secondly
, there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
that relates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Latin
to the critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinking
. There is no evidence about the place and the age group of the participant. It is reasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and learn about these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and family background the place they raise. In most case,
For example
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have family tutor they learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Latin
more frequency, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at math.
Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spend much more time with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
friend it does not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result.

Thirdly
,
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
In nowadays
life the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Latin
is low.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they could find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
easier than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There is no grantee if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
surges, Finding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "increased".
Increase
. It is sensible when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
increase
dramatically
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offer and the salary will decrease.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
capability for learning the new language is not realistic.

In the conclusion, according to the author, school want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the circulation according to a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunity, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relation
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and the conclusion was not transparent. For changing the student timetable need lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and consideration.
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IELTS essay The following appeared in a memo from the Dean of the College of Education at Omni State University. " Only seven of our state's high schools offer even one course in Latin, but over 80 percent of the graduates who study Latin at those seven schools enroll

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • The following appeared in a memo from the Dean of the College of Education at Omni State University. "Only seven of our state's high schools offer even one course in Latin, but over 80 percent of the graduates who study Latin at those seven schools enroll