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The first man to walk on the moon claimed it was a step forward for mankind. However, it has made little difference in most people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The first man to walk on the moon claimed it was a step forward for mankind. However, it has made little difference in most people’s lives. gJma
The first astronaut stepping on the moon considered expolaration of space as a great contribution in the society but most of the people stayed unaffected by it. I truly agree with the fact that new discoveries about the universe does not attract individuals. The primary reason for this less indulgence is individualism. People are more self centered and busy in themselves that the happenings around does not affect them. This is mainly due to increased pressure from the work places. Only the things directly affecting their lives in some way are noticed by them. For instance, a survey conducted in UK, shows that the workers of a multinational company were so busy in their lives that they were not aware of the recent space missions at all. Moreover, interest of the public is another big factor. People are more keen to know the things happening in their vicinity rather than the ones taking place in the space. This is because science and astronomical inventions are complex which makes them less popular among youths. To cite an example, a quick quiz conducted in the university of South America in 2018 showed that 85 percent students acquired less knowledge about the space due to lack of willingness to know about it. To conclude, the remarkable achievements of the astronauts which were expected to change lives failed to do so because people were are more involved in themselves and show only a little interest to things happening in the world.
The
first
astronaut stepping on the moon considered
Possible spelling mistake found.
expolaration
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
as a great contribution in the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stayed unaffected by it. I
truly
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
new discoveries about the universe does not attract individuals.

The primary reason for this less indulgence is individualism.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are more self centered and busy in themselves that the happenings around does not affect them. This is
mainly
due to increased pressure from the work places.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
the things
directly
affecting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "ways"?
way
are noticed
by them.
For instance
, a survey conducted in UK,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the workers of a multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
that they were not aware of the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
missions at all.

Moreover
, interest of the public is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
factor.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are more keen to know the things happening in their vicinity
rather
than the ones taking place in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
science and astronomical inventions are complex which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them less popular among youths. To cite an example, a quick quiz conducted in the university of South America in 2018
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 85 percent students acquired less knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
due to lack of willingness to know about it.

To conclude
, the remarkable achievements of the astronauts which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
failed to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were are more involved in themselves and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
interest to things happening in the world.
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IELTS essay The first man to walk on the moon claimed it was a step forward for mankind. However, it has made little difference in most people’s lives.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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