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The first group of people say that the most sales of popular user goods represent the output of advertising, but another group say the biggest reason is not the real needs of the community in which they are sold

The first group of people say that the most sales of popular user goods represent the output of advertising, but another group say the biggest reason is not the real needs of the community in which they are sold 0MAkB
Today, most of companies manufacture lots of products and the role of advertisement quite obvious. The first group of people say that the most sales of popular user goods represent the output of advertising, but another group say the biggest reason is not the real needs of the community in which they are sold. According to me, I fully agree with the first group of people due to, advertisement today is the best way to sell the products and to show the quality of product. In this essay I will discuss the reasons for that and give some relevant examples from my own knowledge. Firstly, advertisement nowadays helps too much with the selling products, and helps to consumer goods to be popular. For instance, nowadays people are busy due to they are busy because of works, that’s why they watch some advertisement about the product that they want to buy. Researchers have shown that most of products or dresses are bought because of advertisement. In the all shops there are some box that how they find information about this product. Secondly, all the people spend their leisure time in social media. About one year ago after lock down they started to have advertisement in social media. For example, on Instagram, youtube and facebook they were 1 minute advertisement in each video to represent their products. After this most of people buy or like products by advertisement. Lastly, I agree with the second group of people also but in some place. For instance, before technology has improved all the products are sold by the real needs. Because nowadays, people don’t need the real needs because all the best consumer goods are shown in advertisement. To conclude with, I would like to say that high sales of popular goods and good products are the result of new promotional technologies.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
manufacture lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and the role of
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advertisement
quite obvious. The
first
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group
of
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people
say that the most sales of popular user
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goods
represent the output of advertising,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
say the biggest reason is not the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of the community in which they
are sold
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
first
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group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is the best way to sell the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. In this essay I will discuss the reasons for that and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relevant examples from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
knowledge.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
too much with the selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
to be popular.
For instance
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy due to they are busy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of works, that’s why they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
that they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. Researchers have shown that most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or dresses are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. In the all shops there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
box that how they find information about this product.

Secondly
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their leisure time in social media. About one year ago after lock down they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
in social media.
For example
, on Instagram,
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
they were
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
1 minute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
in each video to represent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. After this most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
or like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by advertisement.

Lastly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second
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group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
place.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are sold
by the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all the best consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
are shown
in advertisement.

To conclude
with, I would like to say that high sales of popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are the result of new promotional technologies.
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IELTS essay The first group of people say that the most sales of popular user goods represent the output of advertising, but another group say the biggest reason is not the real needs of the community in which they are sold

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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