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the diagram below shows the manifacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane

the diagram below shows the manifacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane xPxea
Nowadays, many businesses claim that their products are in fact new in their advertising. I think that it has both positive and negative sides. To begin with, a lot of businesses want to sale as much products as they can. In order to achieve it marketologists tend to put an idea to the mass media that their products are new and unique. Another reason is the people always like to try different things. But a lot of the things has already been made and the public nowadays is in desperate need of new experience and new products. From my point of view, I think that it is a great way to develop our world. When businesses try and make new products, it leads to positive changes in some peoples lives. For example, disabled man could see an advertising about modern wheel chair that has never been done before. He will purchase it and it will help him with many tasks. On the other side of the argument, putting so many effort into making their product new, businesses can oftet make the quality worse. It is common that new equalse good in most of the cases and time. Overall, businesses often call their production modern. It has a lot of different pros and cons, but I think that we need a balance of quality and modernising and to try to make better variaty of products to help a lot of people and overall, the community.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
claim that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are in fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
in their advertising. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
want to sale as
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as they can. In order to achieve it
Possible spelling mistake found.
marketologists
tend to put an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to the mass media that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and unique. Another reason is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always like to try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of the things has already
been made
and the public nowadays is in desperate need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experience and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. From my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is a great way to develop our world. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, it leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, disabled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an advertising about modern wheel chair that has never
been done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. He will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks. On the other side of the argument, putting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible agreement error. The noun effort seems to be countable; consider using: "many efforts".
many effort
into making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
can
Possible spelling mistake found.
oftet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the quality worse. It is common that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Possible spelling mistake found.
equalse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in most of the cases and time.
Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
call their production modern. It has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pros and cons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we need a balance of quality and
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernising' is British English.
modernising
and to try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better
Possible spelling mistake found.
variaty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
overall
, the community.
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IELTS essay the diagram below shows the manifacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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