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The demand for cosmetic surgery is increasing dramatically. Is such surgery positive or negative?

The demand for cosmetic surgery is increasing dramatically. Is such surgery positive or negative? Do7gj
The saying “do not judge a book by its cover” has totally lost its value in today’s society because people are heavily judging others based on their beauty. As a result, an increasing number of them are undergoing surgery which aims to improve their appearance, which I think should be seen as positive. First, by undergoing such surgery some people might be able to get their dream job. For example, many young people are eager to pursue their career path in modeling and acting where a great deal of importance is placed on beauty. If slightly changing their appearance means they are given the chance of getting their job, which they have been dreaming of, I think it is positive to lie down on the operating couch and achieve their dreams. This will also help them fit in their society. Unfortunately, we are living in a world which has become so much concerned about the outward beauty of individuals rather than their inward beauty. In addition to this, many people are ignored by their friends and colleagues, simply because they are not good looking enough. If such surgery helps people who are not gifted in terms of beauty to fit in their society, I believe this is what they do need to accept. Finally, surgery of this kind is found to be helpful in maintaining relationships. Studies have shown that many divorce cases took place due to the fact that the couples were not happy enough about their appearance. Also, men are often believed to be dissatisfied with their significant others’ beauty, as they are prone to compare them with those highly “filtered” models on social media. Therefore, in order to keep their relationships healthy and lost-lasting, I think women in particular should agree with plastic surgery. In short, although some people who criticize plastic surgery disagree with me, I think such sacrifice is what helps people to pursue their dream career path, enjoy their social life and better their personal relationships.
The saying “do not judge a book by its cover” has
totally
lost its value in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
heavily
judging others based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
.
As a result
, an increasing number of them are undergoing surgery which aims to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their appearance, which I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

First
, by undergoing such surgery
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their dream job.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are eager to pursue their career path in modeling and acting where a great deal of importance
is placed
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
. If
slightly
changing their appearance means they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the chance of getting their job, which they have been dreaming of, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
to lie down on the operating couch and achieve their dreams.

This will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them fit in their society. Unfortunately, we are living in a world which has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much concerned about the outward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
of individuals
rather
than their inward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by their friends and colleagues,
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
good looking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. If such surgery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not gifted in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
to fit in their society, I believe this is what they do need to accept.

Finally
, surgery of this kind
is found
to be helpful in maintaining relationships. Studies have shown that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
divorce cases took place due to the fact that the couples were not happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
about their appearance.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed to
be dissatisfied
with their significant others’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
, as they are prone to compare them with those
highly
“filtered” models on social media.
Therefore
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their relationships healthy and lost-lasting, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
women
in particular
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with plastic surgery.

In short, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who criticize plastic surgery disagree with me, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
such sacrifice is what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pursue their dream career path, enjoy their social life and better their personal relationships.
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Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
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IELTS essay The demand for cosmetic surgery is increasing dramatically. Is such surgery positive or negative?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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