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The debaipe surrounding attending….

The debaipe surrounding attending…. pKqO3
Some people might argue that providing tertiary education for the majority of young people is not possible and useful. Personally, I agree with these ideas and will outline my reasons in the essay below. Firstly, having a university degree no longer has a vital role to the future of young people even in this knowledge-based society. In many countries, especially Germany, vocational training has gained more popularity among young people because it enhances employment opportunities as well as job security upon completion. Furthermore, if everyone could get admitted to college, it would lead to imbalances in the workforce that would greatly damage the economic structure of a country. This is because there is little chance that university graduates would choose blue-collar jobs such as working in factories, over the jobs that they are qualified for. Secondly, I think that it is impossible to provide almost all young people with access to tertiary education. In Vietnam, the demand for entering college never ceases to grow. This puts the government in a dilemma of whether they should risk allocating their resources and possible face a financial predicament due to exorbitant education costs in many financially independent universities, such as the National Economics University. Furthermore, it is simply unrealistic for universities to accommodate such a sudden increase in the number of students on campus, not to mention the fact that most departments are currently short-staffed. In conclusion, I strongly oppose the idea of dispensing university education to a high proportion of young people owing to the arguments presented above.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might argue that providing tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is not possible and useful.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and will outline my reasons in the essay below.

Firstly
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree no longer has a vital role to the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even in this knowledge-based society. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
especially
Germany, vocational training has gained more popularity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it enhances employment opportunities
as well
as job security upon completion.
Furthermore
, if everyone could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admitted to college, it would lead to imbalances in the workforce that would
greatly
damage the economic structure of a country. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
chance that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates would choose blue-collar jobs such as working in factories, over the jobs that they
are qualified
for.

Secondly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is impossible to provide almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with access to tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In Vietnam, the demand for entering college never ceases to grow. This puts the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in a dilemma of whether they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
allocating their resources and possible face a financial predicament due to exorbitant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
costs in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
financially
independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, such as the National Economics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
.
Furthermore
, it is
simply
unrealistic for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
to accommodate such a sudden increase in the number of students on campus, not to mention the fact that most departments are
currently
short-staffed.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
oppose the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of dispensing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to a high proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
owing to the arguments presented above.
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IELTS essay The debaipe surrounding attending….

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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