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Dependancy on technology

Dependancy on technology EwOKL
Stepping into the 21st century, thanks to the development of technology, our lives have turned out to be more convenient. On the other hand, this also raises the controversy that we are gradually becoming reliant on computer-based technology. As technology will change and influence more in the future, I believe that taking advantage of technology is a good thing but depending on it will bring several potential dangers. To begin with, a majority of aspects will be transformed in the future due to technological advancements, especially education. During the COVID-19 pandemic, computer-based technology has been applied widely into education in order to resolve the problem of social distancing. In the prospective scenario, online learning can be the new concept for education of all levels when online meeting platforms such as Zoom and Microsoft Teams are more developed and stable. For example, besides the traditional learning methods, schools can provide extra classes and exercises or upload learning materials on their websites. In addition, online shopping and electronic payment will grow further thanks to the technological achievements and the support from Artificial Intelligence. This will affect people's shopping habits and contribute to boost the national economy. It is undeniable that technology has made our lives easier and more convenient, however, in my point of view, the dependency on it has numerous hidden negative effects. First of all, people will communicate less in real life, instead texting and posting photos on social media. A number of teenagers now show poor communication skills or lack of care for their families as they are too reliant on equipment. Another issue is that the more people depend on technology, the less job opportunities there are for them in the future. Machinery is more and more developed that can replace people doing several jobs, for instance product assembly, manufacturing and calculation. In conclusion, I believe that computer-based technology will advance further and people cannot deny its use. Instead, we can be aware of its drawbacks and avoid relying on it.
Stepping into the 21st century, thanks to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have turned out to be more convenient.
On the other hand
, this
also
raises the controversy that we are
gradually
becoming reliant on computer-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and influence more in the future, I believe that taking advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
depending on it will bring several potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a majority of aspects will
be transformed
in the future due to technological advancements,
especially
education. During the COVID-19 pandemic, computer-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
been applied
widely
into education in order to resolve the problem of social distancing. In the prospective scenario, online learning can be the new concept for education of all levels when online meeting platforms such as Zoom and Microsoft Teams are more developed and stable.
For example
,
besides
the traditional learning methods, schools can provide extra classes and exercises or upload learning materials on their websites.
In addition
, online shopping and electronic payment will grow
further
thanks to the technological achievements and the support from Artificial Intelligence. This will affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's shopping habits and contribute to boost the national economy.

It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier and more convenient,
however
, in my point of view, the dependency on it has numerous hidden
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will communicate less in real life,
instead
texting and posting photos on social media. A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
poor communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or lack of care for their families as they are too reliant on equipment. Another issue is that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the less job opportunities there are for them in the future. Machinery is more and more developed that can replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing several jobs,
for instance
product assembly, manufacturing and calculation.

In conclusion
, I believe that computer-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will advance
further
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot deny its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Instead
, we can be aware of its drawbacks and avoid relying on it.
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IELTS essay Dependancy on technology

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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