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The danger of reducing the number of animals

The danger of reducing the number of animals 8LLEG
In recent years, some species of animals have become extinct, they are completely hunted for trading. Therefore, a number of them are being reduced every seconds, every minutes. Important as it is, the government and some environmentalists are not deeply aware of it, that’s why the consequence of extinct animals is more and more serious. There are some reasons why some animals are hunted. For example, Firstly, some precious animals such as rhinos, tigers, each part of their body is important and valuable so that the illegal hunters try to kill them at night to assure that they are fully asleep, then the tiger’s teeth or rhino’s horns are sold to earn money. Secondly, not only can hunting able to kill them, but the deforestation can also kill them, some birds tend to build the nest on the trees or some deer live under the big tree. Therefore, when the trees are cut down, they lost their house. Furthermore, if they live together, they will lose their families. Because of some people’s unawareness, they can cause the burn. Not until the burning ends are the surrounding areas and some animals be flamed. As a result of this, some voluntary companies co-operated with the government in their countries to protect rare animals. They take the animals to the zoo where they can help them. Some volunteer raise fund to build the cage for them, They feed the animals daily. On account of their kindness, some newspapers call the volunteer as the new parents of the animals. In conclusion, the government and the volunteers are making all efforts with a view to protect the animals that are near the extinction. Therefore, we have to support them and discourage people from killing them and making bad effect on the environment.
In recent years,
some
species of
animals
have become extinct, they are completely hunted for trading.
Therefore
, a number of them are being
reduced
every
seconds
, every
minutes
.
Important
as it is, the
government
and
some
environmentalists are not
deeply
aware of it, that’s why the consequence of extinct
animals
is more and more serious. There are
some
reasons why
some
animals
are hunted
.
For example
,
Firstly
,
some
precious
animals
such as rhinos, tigers, each part of their body is
important
and valuable
so
that the illegal hunters try to kill them at night to assure that they are
fully
asleep, then the tiger’s teeth or rhino’s horns
are sold
to earn money.
Secondly
, not
only
can hunting able to kill them,
but
the deforestation can
also
kill them,
some
birds tend to build the nest on the trees or
some
deer
live
under the
big
tree.
Therefore
, when the trees are
cut
down, they lost their
house
.
Furthermore
, if they
live
together, they will lose their families.
Because
of
some
people
’s unawareness, they can cause the burn. Not until the burning ends are the surrounding areas and
some
animals
be flamed
.
As a result
of this,
some
voluntary
companies
co-operated with the
government
in their countries to protect rare
animals
. They take the
animals
to the zoo where they can
help
them.
Some
volunteer
raise fund to build the cage for them, They feed the
animals
daily. On account of their kindness,
some
newspapers call the volunteer as the new parents of the
animals
.
In conclusion
, the
government
and the volunteers are making all efforts with a view to protect the
animals
that are near the extinction.
Therefore
, we
have to
support them and discourage
people
from killing them and making
bad
effect on the environment.
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IELTS essay The danger of reducing the number of animals

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
297 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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