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The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. v.3

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. v. 3
The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. There has been a recent increase in the rate of crime in different countries. This can be attributed to a number of factors such as peer pressure and high cost of schooling recently recorded in most of these countries. Firstly, an obvious incident that has contributed to the growth in criminal cases today is peer pressure, which is simply the need for many people to impress those around them. This is because during the teenage years, young adults are very inquisitive and want to explore the world. For example, the male students in high schools are always in the quest to win over the best of the females around. To achieve this goal, they sometimes want to create the impression of being financially buoyant. As a result, a lot of them eventually get involved in financial crimes to meet up. To avoid such, parents have the responsibility to ensure that their young children are brought up morally and financially balanced. In addition, the high cost of education is another cause of the recent crime problems in various countries. In Africa, for instance, the governments have recently reduced spending on schools and completely withdrawn the subsidy that enabled many students to go to school in the last decade. This resulted in many children being out of school and consequently getting themselves involved in crimes. This demonstrates the need for academic institutions to be made accessible to every child in order to drastically reduce the number of criminal occurrences. In conclusion, although pressure and lack of education brought about escalation in the number of offences in various communities, government and parents can work together to ensure that this menace is curbed and our cities are crime-free.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
has increased
dramatically
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.

There has been a recent increase in the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries. This can
be attributed
to a number of factors such as peer pressure and high cost of schooling recently recorded in most of these countries.

Firstly
, an obvious incident that has contributed to the growth in criminal cases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is peer pressure, which is
simply
the need for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to impress those around them. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
during the teenage years, young adults are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
inquisitive and want to explore the world.
For example
, the male students in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are always in the quest to win over the best of the females around. To achieve this goal, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
want to create the impression of being
financially
buoyant.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
them
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up. To avoid such, parents have the responsibility to ensure that their young children
are brought
up
morally
and
financially
balanced.

In addition
, the high cost of education is another cause of the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
problems in various countries. In Africa,
for instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and completely withdrawn the subsidy that enabled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in the last decade. This resulted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children being out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
consequently
getting themselves involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. This demonstrates the need for academic institutions to
be made
accessible to every child in order to
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of criminal occurrences.

In conclusion
, although pressure and lack of education brought about escalation in the number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
in various communities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and parents can work together to ensure that this menace
is curbed
and our cities are crime-free.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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