Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The country is a better place for the children to grow up than a large cities do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

The country is a better place for the children to grow up than a large cities v. 2
Living in small town is better, it is a place of harmony and peacefullness. However, some believes that cities are filled up with advanced facilities. I personally agrees that children should live in a small town to be aware from the effects of pollutions and other harmful problems facing from urban area. To begin with, small towns are a place were children can build up their relationships. Basically through games for example there are different varities of games especially hide and seek. It allows to interact with new local peoples in that locality and make new friendship which involve them to understand the core value of friendships in their future years. The second reason is that children can able to eat foods generally grows in the crops which are cultivated by farmers. By the way of illustration, the wheats, pulses, grains which are cultivated from crops are three times better than foods which are served in restaurants and hotels in cities which lead to health related problems. However, some people believes that cities are much better place in education for example education for a children is the basic needs. In cities there are different types of schools were a child can learn under the supervision of good trained faculties. It enhance them to build a greater personility through higher education. Taking throughly all the above mentioned reasons into account. This conclusion can be drawn that, in order to create a good relationships, a basic harmoney with fellow people. And to know the pain that comes through hardwork. And the foods that is naturally cultivated on less side effects helps for good health. It is better to live in countryside than living in larger cities.
Living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
, it is a place of harmony and
Possible spelling mistake found.
peacefullness
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are filled
up with advanced facilities. I
personally
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "agree".
agrees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town to be aware from the effects of pollutions and other harmful problems facing from urban area.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns are a place were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can build up their relationships.
Basically
through games
for example
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
varities
of games
especially
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hide and seek
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
Did you mean "interacting"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to interact
with new local peoples in that locality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friendship which involve them to understand the core value of friendships in their future years.

The second reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
eat foods
generally
grows in the crops which
are cultivated
by farmers. By the way of illustration, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
wheats
, pulses, grains which
are cultivated
from crops are three times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than foods which
are served
in restaurants and hotels in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which lead to health related problems.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
believes
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
place in education
for example
education for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the basic needs. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of schools were a child can learn under the supervision of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
trained faculties. It
Did you mean "enhances"?
enhance
them to build a greater
Possible spelling mistake found.
personility
through higher education.

Taking
Possible spelling mistake found.
throughly
all the above mentioned reasons into account. This conclusion can
be drawn
that, in order to create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "relationship"?
relationships
, a basic
Possible spelling mistake found.
harmoney
with fellow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. And to know the pain that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
through
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
. And the foods
that is
naturally
cultivated on less side effects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in countryside than living in larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay The country is a better place for the children to grow up than a large cities v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts