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the colossal upsurge in contacting the employees throughout the day even after office working hours and on holiday

the colossal upsurge in contacting the employees throughout the day even after office working hours and on holiday KnpG1
One of the most conspicuous trends of today’s world is the colossal upsurge in contacting the employees throughout the day even after office working hours and on holidays. It will enhance understanding as well as progression of work however, it also contains some perilous impacts on the health of individuals. In my opinion, the work should be limited to office hours. To put the discussion underway, one of the most significant benefits of remain in touch is that it resolves all the queries rapidly and lead the fast mood of work. Therefore, it enhances the project and lead to progression. In addition to this, the numerous owners of companies prefer to plan the work of coming days in the off time in order to provide a huge amount of space to for work in the working hours of respective employees. For this reason, the bosses used to organised and plan in off-time. Shifting towards the other aspect, there are numbers of arguments against this statement. One of the most preponderant is that it intensifies the level of stress and possesses the perilous impact on the mental health because the folks cannot maintain the work life balance. For instance, the civilians perform office work throughout day. It amplifies their tension related to work and revealed less time for relaxation. Furthermore, this trend will yield in depression and discouraging attitude towards work. As a consequence, the authorities should lead their employees with regards of time and capacity of work. In conclusion, the several bosses desire to remain in contact with their members of staff entire day. Although this will lead to magnification of company and rapid competition of project but it disturb the mental well-being of mankind and incline the level of stress.
One of the most conspicuous trends of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world is the colossal upsurge in contacting the employees throughout the day even after office working hours and on holidays. It will enhance understanding
as well
as progression of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
however
, it
also
contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
perilous impacts on the health of individuals. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should
be limited
to office hours.

To put the discussion underway, one of the most significant benefits of remain in touch is that it resolves all the queries
rapidly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
mood of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Therefore
, it enhances the project and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to progression.
In addition
to this, the numerous owners of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer to plan the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of coming days in the off time in order to provide a huge amount of space to for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the working hours of respective employees.
For this reason
, the bosses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
and plan in off-time.

Shifting towards the other aspect, there are numbers of arguments against this statement. One of the most preponderant is that it intensifies the level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and possesses the perilous impact on the mental health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the folks cannot maintain the
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance.
For instance
, the civilians perform office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
throughout day. It amplifies their tension related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and revealed less time for relaxation.
Furthermore
, this trend will yield in depression and discouraging attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. As a consequence, the authorities should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
their employees
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards of
time and capacity of work.

In conclusion
, the several bosses desire to remain in contact with their members of staff entire day. Although this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to magnification of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and rapid competition of project
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
Did you mean "disturbs"?
disturb
the mental well-being of mankind and incline the level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
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IELTS essay the colossal upsurge in contacting the employees throughout the day even after office working hours and on holiday

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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