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road connectivity to hospital in year 2007 and 2010

road connectivity to hospital in year 2007 and 2010 NmYwy
The road access of a city hospital depicted by the rendered two figures in the years 2007 and 2010. Looking at the details, in the south-east side of the city hospital, the car park for the staff and public in year 2007 was converted into a staff car park in 2010; nevertheless, a new public car park was introduced in the east side of the hospital. Opposite of it, a new bus station was built, while three bus stops in each side of the hospital road in 2007 were demolished in 2010. Furthermore, a roundabout was erected between intersection of the ring road and the hospital road; similarly, one more roundabout was constructed between crossing of the hospital road and the city road. Overall, there were several changes placed in the city hospital over the three-year period, the most noticeable were the introduction of a new parking and a bus station, which were providing more accommodation for vehicles.
The
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road
access of a city
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hospital
depicted by the rendered two figures in the years 2007 and 2010.

Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, in the south-east side of the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
, the car park for the staff and public in year 2007
was converted
into a staff car park in 2010;
nevertheless
, a new public car park
was introduced
in the east side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
. Opposite of it, a new bus station
was built
, while three bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
in each side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
in 2007
were demolished
in 2010.

Furthermore
, a roundabout
was erected
between intersection of the ring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
;
similarly
, one more roundabout
was constructed
between crossing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
and the city road.

Overall
, there were several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
placed in the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
over the three-year period, the most noticeable were the introduction of a new parking and a bus station, which were providing more accommodation for vehicles.

IELTS essay road connectivity to hospital in year 2007 and 2010

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
158 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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