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the clay jars which had been discovered in Iraq have nothing to do with producing electricity

the clay jars which had been discovered in Iraq have nothing to do with producing electricity 2bPAJ
The authors of the reading passage claim that the clay jars which had been discovered in Iraq have nothing to do with producing electricity; however the lecture finds all the reasons introduced by passage precarious, and it advances a group of explanation to repudiate them all. First of all, the author argues that if the vessel had been developed to use as batteries, archeologists should have found some evidence related to metal wires. Contrariwise, the professor considers the idea that this reason is unconvincing owing to the fact that some local people have found material near the excavated place, and they did not give their findings to archeologists. She explains that they might have discarded their findings, or they may have assumed their findings as an unimportant things. Furthermore, the passage holds the view that the copper cylinders inside the clay jars are used for holding scrolls like others which had been discovered from Seleucia. Over again, the professor brings this reason into question through providing the fact that similarity between these two systems did not disprove the central claim that they were fabricated to produce electricity. She claims that later discoveries demonstrates the usefulness of copper cylinders to produce electricity when liquid water is added into this type of cylinder. In fact, the copper cylinders were early implemented to hold scrolls; however, later, they were developed to serve as another purpose. The last point on which both the lecture and the reading are in contradiction with one another is that reading announces the fact that if ancient people had created these systems to produce electricity, in what way they would have used this electricity. In other words, these batteries were useless to them. On the contrary, the professor states that they could use them to generate mild shocks in order to convince other people that they have magical powers, and put them into medical purposes to improve muscle’s operation.
The authors of the reading passage claim that the clay jars which had
been discovered
in Iraq have nothing to do with producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
;
however
the lecture finds all the reasons introduced by passage precarious, and it advances a group of explanation to repudiate them all.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the author argues that if the vessel had
been developed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
as batteries, archeologists should have found
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evidence related to metal wires. Contrariwise, the professor considers the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that this reason is unconvincing owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have found material near the excavated place, and they did not give their findings to archeologists. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
that they might have discarded their findings, or they may have assumed their findings as an unimportant
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "thing"?
things
.

Furthermore
, the passage holds the view that the copper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cylinders
inside the clay jars are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for holding scrolls like others which had
been discovered
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Seleucia
. Over again, the professor brings this reason into question through providing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that similarity between these two systems did not disprove the central claim that they
were fabricated
to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
. She claims that later discoveries demonstrates the usefulness of copper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cylinders
to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
when liquid water is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
into this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cylinder
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, the copper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cylinders
were early implemented to hold scrolls;
however
, later, they
were developed
to serve as another purpose.

The last point on which both the lecture and the reading are in contradiction with one another is that reading announces the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that if ancient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had created these systems to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
, in what way they would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
.
In other words
, these batteries were useless to them.
On the contrary
, the professor states that they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them to generate mild shocks in order to convince other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that they have magical powers, and put them into medical purposes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
muscle’s operation.
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IELTS essay the clay jars which had been discovered in Iraq have nothing to do with producing electricity

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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