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The charts show what the Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The charts show what the Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school.
The three pie charts illustrate information about the percentage of secondary graduates in term of unemployment, employed and further education in Australia over the course of 20 years starting in 1980. Overall, the figure of unemployed people remained stable and accounted for a minority in total. While the school leavers tended to start a job, the opposite trend can be seen in the proportion of people who chose to attend school for further education. In details, in 1980, the people going on studying made up the highest percentage at exactly one-twice of the total. Then, this figure declined gradually by 12% and nearly unchanged after 10 years. There was a minimal fluctuation in the percentage of unemployment, which started at 10%, increased slightly by 2% in 1990 and dropped to 8% at the end. More significantly, the period witnessed a constant growth in the rate of school leavers who choose to go for a work from the percentage of 40 in 1980 and reached the peak at 55% in 2000.
The three pie charts illustrate information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of secondary graduates in term of unemployment, employed and
further
education in Australia over the course of 20 years starting in 1980.

Overall
, the figure of unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
remained stable and accounted for a minority in total. While the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
tended to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a job, the opposite trend can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who chose to attend school for
further
education.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, in 1980, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
going on studying made up the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
at exactly one-twice of the total. Then, this figure declined
gradually
by 12% and
nearly
unchanged after 10 years. There was a minimal fluctuation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of unemployment, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 10%, increased
slightly
by 2% in 1990 and dropped to 8% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

More
significantly
, the period witnessed a constant growth in the rate of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
who choose to go for a work from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of 40 in 1980 and reached the peak at 55% in 2000.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay The charts show what the Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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