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The charts below show one government’s spending on culture and education in 1995 and 2005 and the number of people participating in Arts events in same years. v.1

The charts below show one government’s spending on culture and education in 1995 and 2005 and the number of people participating in Arts events in same years. v. 1
Currently, some visitors prefer to travel to a remote place where has more challenging conditions. While travelling to these places have some benefits, there are also some harmful points to visit a remote zone. There are some benefits for travelling to a difficult area. First of all, visiting these places has new challenges. Because these situations are not normal in a remote area and there are some special conditions that they will create new and unfamiliar challenges. So tourists will be familiar with these challenges. Secondly, travelling to a difficult destination has a lot of new topics therefor tourists will learn new things during their trip. Strange and amazing things in exotic places help visitors to familiar with new aspects of life. Thus, it is a good opportunity for tourists who want to gain new experience. On the other hand, this kind of tourism has some drawbacks. First of all, travelling to an exotic zone has dangerous. Some situations such as awful weather or difficult mountains may be harmed for travellers. Sometimes they cannot tolerate this condition and they may die in some situations. Secondly, another important issue is fewer facilities for tourists in difficult places. Because in some places, preparing emergency facilities such as medical, security or transportation is difficult then if visitors need these requirements, it will be very difficult for travellers to achieve them. As well as there is not a telecommunication system in remote places, thus tourists cannot communicate with others for providing their emergency requirements. In conclusion, however, tourism in a difficult area has positive aspects, it has some negative aspects too, and tourists can experience both of these points.
Currently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
visitors prefer to travel to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where has more challenging conditions. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harmful points to visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
zone.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
area.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, visiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
challenges.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
these situations are not normal in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
area and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special conditions that they will create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and unfamiliar challenges.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
will be familiar with these challenges.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
destination has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
topics therefor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
will learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things during their trip. Strange and amazing things in exotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
visitors to familiar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
aspects of life.
Thus
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
who want to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experience.

On the other hand
, this kind of tourism has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to an exotic zone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
situations such as awful weather or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
mountains may
be harmed
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they cannot tolerate this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
condition and
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations.
Secondly
, another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue is fewer facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, preparing emergency facilities such as medical, security or transportation is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
then if visitors need these requirements, it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
to achieve them.
As well
as there is not a telecommunication system in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
cannot communicate with others for providing their emergency requirements.

In conclusion
,
however
, tourism in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
area has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects too, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
can experience both of these points.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The charts below show one government’s spending on culture and education in 1995 and 2005 and the number of people participating in Arts events in same years. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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