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The chart below shows the percentage of male and female smokers in Britain during the period between 1950 and 1990. v.1

The chart below shows the percentage of male and female smokers in Britain during the period between 1950 and 1990. v. 1
It is accepted that recent medical advancement and other medicinal products are normally tested on animals before they are used in human bodies. Although some people believe that animal experimentation should be able to prohibit because it is ethically undesirable, others criticize that it gains dramatic profits to humans. On the one hand, the advocates of animal experimentation say that testing on animals is possible for medical research and other products experimenting. Animal trials mainly enable researchers to test an appropriate dose of medication that people can obtain and ensure about human’s safety and survival. A common example for this case is that many scientists initially analyse medicinal products and additional substances that are essential to humans on animals, protecting therapeutic overdosing which creates harmful side effects to humans. That is why this determines the drug security before testing on humans. On the other hand, some opponents may argue that analysing animals is restricted. Firstly, animal examination is cruelly tortured due to the fact that not only this causes a significant pain on animals but also reduces the number of animals in the world. Moreover, some experiments on animals potentially deliver improper results in order that investigators are not able to trust the results that originate from animals because of the difference between animals and humans in physical and mental properties. Therefore, animal observation is not possible for providing precise outcomes. In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against animal investigation. Although it possibly increases people's benefits, I strongly believe that experimenting on animals should be discontinued to prevent animal’s immorality.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that recent medical advancement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
medicinal products are
normally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
bodies. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
experimentation should be able to prohibit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
ethically
undesirable, others criticize that it gains dramatic profits to humans.

On the one hand, the advocates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
experimentation say that testing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is possible for medical research and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
products experimenting.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animal
trials
mainly
enable researchers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
an appropriate dose of medication that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can obtain and ensure about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
safety and survival. A common example for this case is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scientists
initially
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
medicinal products and additional substances that are essential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, protecting therapeutic overdosing which creates harmful side effects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
That is
why this determines the drug security
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
testing on humans.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opponents may argue that
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is restricted
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
examination is
cruelly
tortured due to the fact that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this causes a significant pain on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the world.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experiments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
potentially
deliver improper results in order that investigators are not able to trust the results that originate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
in physical and mental properties.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
observation is not possible for providing precise outcomes.

In conclusion
, there are convincing arguments both for and against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
investigation. Although it
possibly
increases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's benefits, I
strongly
believe that experimenting on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be discontinued
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
immorality.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows the percentage of male and female smokers in Britain during the period between 1950 and 1990. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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