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The chart below show the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational sitting in UK in 2010. v.1

The chart below show the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational sitting in UK in 2010. v. 1
English has become a global language, which is essential to learn, whereas studying the local language is at the same importance. The significance of learning English will be discussed before suggesting some solutions to maintain local languages. To begin with, there are two underlying benefits for people to study English. Firstly, owing to the era of integration, English is chosen to be dominant in most of the international conferences. As a result, not only is the language barrier broken by a good grasp of English, but also the mutual misunderstanding by which reinforcing the harmony between nations. Secondly, the more proficient a job hunter is in English, the more likely he is to get a decent job with high salary because there are ever- increasing demand for the ability to use English professionally on the current job market. As regards local languages, there should be more acts to ensure the survival of those languages to protect these unique identities. Specifically, an equal time contribution should be conducted for either learning English or the mother tongue, giving students a chance to take advantage of both languages effectively. Besides, where school not to hold as many as field trips or competitions with attractive rewards about the local language as possible, students would lose their enthusiasm because of monotonous classes. Therefore, would their own language die out sooner or later. In conclusion, the benefits of learning English lying in global and individuals are obvious. Nevertheless, measures should be taken to preserve one nation’s mother tongue.
English has become a global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, which is essential to learn, whereas studying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is at the same importance. The significance of learning English will
be discussed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
suggesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
languages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two underlying benefits for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to study English.
Firstly
, owing to the era of integration, English
is chosen
to be dominant in most of the international conferences.
As a result
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier broken by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grasp of English,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the mutual misunderstanding by which reinforcing the harmony between nations.
Secondly
, the more proficient a job hunter is in English, the more likely he is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a decent job with high salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are ever- increasing demand for the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
English
professionally
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
job market.

As regards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, there should be more acts to ensure the survival of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
to protect these unique identities.
Specifically
, an equal time contribution should
be conducted
for either learning English or the mother tongue, giving students a chance to take advantage of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
effectively
.
Besides
, where school not to hold as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as field trips or competitions with attractive rewards about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
as possible, students would lose their enthusiasm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of monotonous classes.
Therefore
, would their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out sooner or later.

In conclusion
, the benefits of learning English lying in global and individuals are obvious.
Nevertheless
, measures should
be taken
to preserve one nation’s mother tongue.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below show the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational sitting in UK in 2010. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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