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The characteristic of a successful person is to be wealthy and have a successful career. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The characteristic of a successful person is to be wealthy and have a successful career. waEVe
Many people believe that if someone is born into a wealthy family, that person will be successful, have a bright future, and higher position in work. That may be somehow true, but from my perspective, not only wealth and a thriving career are the best way to succeed but also a definite goal, hard work, and consistency. Having a definite goal, which is being a successful person, is necessary. Even though you are born with a rich background, what you want is not a success but a normal and peaceful lifestyle, for example, and then you won't become a successful person. Moreover, your effort will not be effective unless you have a definite goal. For instance, students preparing for the IELTS exam will try to the best of their abilities only if each has determined a target to achieve over band 7. Also, one of the most crucial steps of having a high-paying job is hard work. It is impossible to say that a person becomes successful without hard work despite being affluent. One of the well-known celebrities like Taylor Swift, although she was born from wealthy parents, became a renowned singer because of her effort. Besides, but for his hard work, Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon who came from a non-wealthy family, wouldn't become one of the world's top richest men. Consistency also takes place in the essential aspects of becoming a successful person. Shareholders of the company would not satisfy when the CEO doesn't work consistently and cannot manage the company well, for example. To be brief, since the world is full of difficulties, only when you have determined your goal and work consistently, you could overcome those challenges regardless of being moneyed and having a successful occupation. Nevertheless, it might be different in some cases as people's living conditions could not always be identical.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that if someone
is born
into a wealthy family, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
, have a bright future, and higher position in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. That may be somehow true,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from my perspective, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wealth and a thriving career are the best way to succeed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and consistency.

Having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
, which is being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, is necessary.
Even though
you
are born
with a rich background, what you want is not a success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a normal and peaceful lifestyle,
for example
, and then you won't become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
Moreover
, your effort will not be effective unless you have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
.
For instance
, students preparing for the IELTS exam will try to the best of their abilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if each has determined a target to achieve over band 7.

Also
, one of the most crucial steps of having a high-paying job is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. It is impossible to say that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
becomes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
despite being affluent. One of the well-known celebrities like Taylor Swift, although she
was born
from wealthy parents, became a renowned singer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of her effort.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon who came from a non-wealthy family, wouldn't become one of the world's top richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

Consistency
also
takes place in the essential aspects of becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. Shareholders of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
would not satisfy when the CEO doesn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
consistently
and cannot manage the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
well,
for example
.

To be brief, since the world is full of difficulties,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when you have determined your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
consistently
, you could overcome those challenges regardless of
being moneyed
and having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
occupation.
Nevertheless
, it might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's living conditions could not always be identical.
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IELTS essay The characteristic of a successful person is to be wealthy and have a successful career.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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