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The causes of rise in the world's population.

The causes of rise in the world's population. dmBE
We are currently living in a world were more people than ever before are living at the same time. Some decades ago, population number were lower than they are now. But nowadays we are experimenting a continued increase of population. This is one of the most tremendous problems we are facing in the world. But the question is, how we got to this point? Actually, the answer is pretty simple. And it is technology. The rapidly development of technology and its implementations in health sectors has helped mortality rates decrease considerably. For instance, it is more difficult now to die form a common disease than it was before. For example, my grandfather died 25 years ago because of a terrible lung cancer. His wife, my grandmother, has now the same lung cancer situation and because of the medical improvements in this particular disease, she is almost free of cancer and she will be able to live for a couple of years more. Not only technology in medicine has contributed the rise of world’s population, also the quality of life we can experience now because of technology implemented in food or daily products. Processes in factories in which food is prepared now is a lot more cautious and healthy than before. We can be sure now that we are eating the best quality food because of the technology implemented. And this happens also with products such as shampoos, soaps, toothpastes, etc. However, regarding all before said, it sounds like we are living with incredible benefits, but the disadvantages of technology are terrible, and one of those is the rapidly increasing numbers of people living at the same time in the plante. I do believe that this problem is the biggest one we have, mainly because we are finishing all the natural resources available, we are extinguishing various animals and plant species, and most importantly, inequality is bigger than ever before because there is not enough resources for every single person in this world. Regarding this, sadly there is nothing we can do, unless we are already prepared for living in other planets. That is the only viable solution because the numbers will keep increasing and this will work as a non-stop machinery.
We are
currently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a world were more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
than ever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
at the same time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
decades ago, population number were lower than they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays we are experimenting a continued increase of population. This is one of the most tremendous problems we are facing in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the question is, how we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to this point?

Actually, the answer is pretty simple. And it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. The
rapidly
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and its implementations in health sectors has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
mortality rates decrease
considerably
.
For instance
, it is more difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
form a common disease than it was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
.
For example
, my grandfather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
25 years ago
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a terrible lung cancer. His wife, my grandmother, has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
the same lung cancer situation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the medical improvements in this particular disease, she is almost free of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cancer and
she will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
for a couple of years more.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in medicine has contributed the rise of world’s population,
also
the quality of life we can experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
implemented in food or daily products. Processes in factories in which food
is prepared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
is a lot more cautious and healthy than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
. We can be sure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
that we are eating the best quality food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
implemented. And this happens
also
with products such as shampoos, soaps, toothpastes, etc.

However
, regarding all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
said, it sounds like we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with incredible benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are terrible, and one of those is the
rapidly
increasing numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
at the same time in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
plante
.

I do believe that this problem is the biggest one we have,
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are finishing all the natural resources available, we are extinguishing various animals and plant species, and most
importantly
, inequality is bigger than ever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resources for every single person in this world.

Regarding this,
sadly
there is nothing we can do, unless we are already prepared for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in other planets.
That is
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
viable solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the numbers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
increasing and this will work as a non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
machinery.
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IELTS essay The causes of rise in the world's population.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
371 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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