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Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. VReD
Nowadays, Selfishness and greed have become the societal norm. Undeniably, modernization has tremendously affected people’s lifestyles in our contemporary world. A number of people believe that our traditional values such as respect for the family and the local community help us to build a better world. However, I firmly believe on this statement. Today we live in an era of Technology in which the whole earth has shrunk and become a global village. Everybody is connected to everybody through telephone lines and the internet but the warmth of relationships has taken a back seat. Most people have more than enough wealth, comfort and freedom but their hearts Desire even more. Therefor people think that older people are good for nothing and that is why they do not respect them. Moreover, Counting money is became first priority of most of the modern people than spending time with their family. For instance, in many family children cannot able to meet their father on whole week except on holiday. When children wake up father already leaved for job and when father returned home at night children already go for sleep. This should be critical problem because it may effect growth of children. Father returned home at night children already go for sleep. This should be critical problem because it may effect growth of children. In contrast, Life in the past was too simple. People respected each other and helped each other when needed. People spent time with their family every day by sitting together or by eating together. In the past they were habituated of sitting with their community and discussed any problem if any. There were very less divorce than now because they believed in each other and loved truly. If modern people respect each other, spend quality time with family and build a good relation with our local people then the result will be on positive side. To conclude, living in this modern toxic world, we are all slowly being poisoned to death. Therefore, it is clear that the traditional value based society is a better world to live.
Nowadays, Selfishness and greed have become the societal norm.
Undeniably
, modernization has
tremendously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyles in our contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that our traditional values such as respect for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and the local community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to build a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
However
, I
firmly
believe on this statement.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an era of Technology in which the whole earth has shrunk and become a global village. Everybody
is connected
to everybody through telephone lines and the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the warmth of relationships has taken a back seat. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
wealth, comfort and freedom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their hearts Desire even more. Therefor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for nothing and
that is
why they do not respect them.
Moreover
, Counting money is
Consider using a past participle here: "become".
became
first
priority of most of the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than spending time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Did you mean "cannot be able"?
cannot able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
on whole week except on holiday. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
wake up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
already leaved for job and when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
returned home at night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
already go for sleep. This should be critical problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it may
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Father
returned home at night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
already go for sleep. This should be critical problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it may
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
growth of children.

In contrast
, Life in the past was too simple.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
respected each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
when needed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
spent time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
every day by sitting together or by eating together. In the past they
were habituated
of sitting with their community and discussed any problem if any. There were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less divorce than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believed in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
truly
. If modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
respect each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, spend quality time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relation with our local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
then the result will be on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side.

To conclude
, living in this modern toxic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, we are all
slowly
being poisoned
to death.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the traditional value based society is a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
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IELTS essay Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.