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The brightest star in the sky

The brightest star in the sky 85akw
unjun is a fifth-grader girl but she lives in Lan village, a tiny village that settles in the countryside of Shanxi, Taiyuan China. She is a carefree, optimistic individual that devotes herself to her passions, like drawing, singing, dancing. But It all changed a year ago, as an accident struck her family. Her dad was a chef who works at a restaurant and is the only source of income in the household. It was 2 am at night when her dad finished late-night shift returning home with a bike, he got hit by a coal truck. Although he was soon sent to the hospital, he passed due to the loss of too much blood. It was a dark rainy night on a nameless road in the countryside, there are no cameras and witnesses so it became increasingly hard for police to find out who was responsible. The only evidence is some coal chunks lying beside the victim suggesting it was a coal truck. Junjun’s mom has a part-ti e job earning around 2000 yuan(400 Cad), her mom could only find a part-time job because her grandpa needs to be taken care of. Despite the tough condition, her mom would still arrange 300 yuan per month for her painting class. “Education is extremely important, that’s the truth I found out after 20 years. ” Her mom said during the interview. “I never got the chance to finish high school due to poor family conditions, but I will do my best to provide Junjun an education, which is also her father’s dream. ” When asked about what she wants to become when she grows up, Junjun said immediately a painting teacher, because she could be anything on the canvas, a fish, a cat, or even a tree. Junjun’s school teacher told us that Junjun is a shy individual may be due to family conditions but she is extremely active and passionate about the blackboard paintings tasks that her teacher assigned ( in Chinese elementary school they have a person in charge of drawing and decorating the blackboard according to holidays, for example, in New Year they will be asked to draw dragons. ) and she is When talking about painting, her eyes were glittering and filled with joy. “We are using up saving that her dad gave us, once we used all of it, I really don’t know how we are going to get through this. Painting is a crucial part of Junjun’s life, but it’s becoming unaffordable. ” Junjun’s mom teared up when we asked her about her future plan. “ I will use the money want to use the money I receive to provide Junjun a promising education and use it on medication for her grandpa. It’s ok for me to be starved, but Junjun’s too young…”
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
unjun
is a fifth-grader girl
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lan
village, a tiny village that settles in the countryside of Shanxi, Taiyuan China. She is a carefree, optimistic individual that devotes herself to her passions, like drawing, singing, dancing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
It all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a year ago, as an accident struck her family. Her dad was a chef who works at a restaurant and is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
source of income in the household. It was 2 am at night when her dad finished late-night shift returning home with a bike, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
hit by a coal truck. Although he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the hospital, he passed due to the loss of too much blood. It was a dark rainy night on a nameless road in the countryside, there are no cameras and witnesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it became
increasingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for police to find out who was responsible. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
evidence is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
coal chunks lying beside the victim suggesting it was a coal truck.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Junjun
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom
has a part-ti e job earning around 2000 yuan(400 Cad), her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
find a part-time job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
her grandpa needs to
be taken
care of. Despite the tough condition, her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom
would
still
arrange 300 yuan per month for her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. “Education is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, that’s the truth I found out after 20 years. ” Her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom
said during the interview. “I never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the chance to finish high school due to poor family conditions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I will do my best to provide
Possible spelling mistake found.
Junjun
an education, which is
also
her father’s dream. ” When asked about what she wants to become when she grows up,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Junjun
said immediately a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
teacher,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she could be anything on the canvas, a fish, a cat, or even a tree.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Junjun
’s school teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
us that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Junjun
is a shy individual may be due to family conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she is
extremely
active and passionate about the blackboard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paintings
tasks that her teacher assigned
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
in Chinese elementary school they have a person in charge of drawing and decorating the blackboard according to holidays,
for example
, in New Year they will
be asked
to draw dragons.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
and she is When talking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
, her eyes were glittering and filled with joy. “We are using up saving that her dad gave us, once we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
all of it, I
really
don’t know how we are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
through this.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Painting
is a crucial part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Junjun
’s life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s becoming unaffordable. ”
Possible spelling mistake found.
Junjun
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mom
teared up when we asked her about her future plan. “ I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the money want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the money I receive to provide
Possible spelling mistake found.
Junjun
a promising education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it on medication for her grandpa. It’s ok for me to
be starved
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
Junjun
’s too young…”
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IELTS essay The brightest star in the sky

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
466 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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