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The brightest star in the sky

The brightest star in the sky E3lQR
Junjun is a sixth-grade girl living in Lan village, a tiny settlement in the countryside of Shanxi, Taiyuan China. She was a carefree, optimistic individual who devotes herself to her passions, like drawing, baking, dancing. But it all changed three years ago when a deadly tragedy struck her family. Her dad was a chef and was the family’s only source of income. One night, after heading home late from work on his bike, her father was the victim of a hit and run motor accident. Although he was soon sent to the hospital, his injuries proved fatal and he passed away shortly. It was a dark rainy night on a nameless road in the countryside and there were no cameras or witnesses of the collision, so it became increasingly hard for police to find out who was responsible. The only evidence was some chunks of coal lying beside the victim—suggesting it had been a coal truck. Junjun’s mom has a part-time job earning around 2000 yuan (400 CAD) per month, but cannot find extra work as she is also the primary caregiver for Junjun’s grandpa. Yet despite their tough situation, her mom still arranges 300 yuan per month for her painting class as Junjun has a talent and a passion for art. Junjun wants to pursue higher education and hopes that one day she can become an art teacher. However, an art teacher requires 3 years of college tuition, after the nine-year compulsory education, it is unlikely that her family will be able to afford her tuition. Every single penny we raise will be spent on her tuition, together, we can make a difference and help Junjun achieve her goal.
Junjun
is a sixth-grade girl living in
Lan
village, a tiny settlement in the countryside of Shanxi, Taiyuan China. She was a carefree, optimistic individual who devotes herself to her passions, like drawing, baking, dancing.
But
it all
changed
three years ago when a deadly tragedy struck her family.

Her dad was a chef and was the family’s
only
source of income. One night, after heading home late from work on his bike, her father was the victim of a
hit and run
motor accident. Although he was
soon
sent
to the hospital, his injuries proved
fatal and
he passed away shortly. It was a dark rainy night on a nameless road in the countryside and there were no cameras or witnesses of the collision,
so
it became
increasingly
hard
for police to find out who was responsible. The
only
evidence was
some
chunks of coal lying beside the victim—suggesting it had been a coal truck.

Junjun
’s mom has a part-time job earning around 2000 yuan (400 CAD) per month,
but
cannot find extra work as she is
also
the primary caregiver for
Junjun
’s grandpa.
Yet
despite their tough situation, her mom
still
arranges 300 yuan per month for her painting
class
as
Junjun
has a talent and a passion for art.
Junjun
wants to pursue higher education and hopes that one day she can become an art teacher.
However
, an art teacher requires 3 years of college tuition, after the nine-year compulsory education, it is unlikely that her family will be able to afford her tuition. Every single penny we raise will
be spent
on her tuition, together, we can
make
a difference and
help
Junjun
achieve her goal.
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IELTS essay The brightest star in the sky

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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