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The breakthroughs in medical science are by far the most significant advances in world society over the last two centuries. Discuss this statement and give your opinion.

The breakthroughs in medical science are by far the most significant advances in world society over the last two centuries. Discuss this statement and give your opinion. o3Lg
Over the last two hundred years, there have been many changes to society in nearly all aspects of people’s lives. Medical science has advanced beyond recognition and it can be argued that this has been the most significant change. The last two centuries have witnessed great advances of the industrial revolution. Automation, machinery and various technologies have revolutionised the way people live, work, play and travel. Society has now many things that make people’s lives easier and more enjoyable, including cars, planes, computers and telephones to name only a few. It is quite clear that these advances are phenomenally significant in most people’s lives today. Medical science has also been revolutionised. The three principal challenges facing surgery, which were pain, infection and bleeding, have all been overcome, allowing the lives of millions to be saved. The discoveries of vaccines to deal with the great killer diseases of history also took place over the last two centuries. Probably billions of people who would have died from diseases such as smallpox, tuberculosis, diphtheria and tetanus have all been saved. In addition to this, medicine now has such an advanced knowledge of human body systems that doctors can cure or heal a wide range of ailments that would in the past have been fatal or extremely debilitating. It is also likely that the next century will see similar significant advances. In conclusion, although there have been many different advances in society over the last two hundred years, the fact that so many people have had their lives saved or improved by medical breakthroughs makes it seem incontrovertible that it is these medical advances that have been the most significant.
Over the last two hundred years, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to society in
nearly
all aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Medical science has advanced beyond recognition and it can
be argued
that this has been the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

The last two centuries have witnessed great advances of the industrial revolution. Automation, machinery and various technologies have
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
, work, play and travel. Society has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
easier and more enjoyable, including cars,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
, computers and telephones to name
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few. It is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that these advances are
phenomenally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
significant
in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

Medical science has
also
been
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
. The three principal challenges facing surgery, which were pain, infection and bleeding, have all
been overcome
, allowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of millions to
be saved
. The discoveries of vaccines to deal with the great killer diseases of history
also
took place over the last two centuries.
Probably
billions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from diseases such as smallpox, tuberculosis, diphtheria and tetanus have all
been saved
.

In addition
to this, medicine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
has such an advanced knowledge of human body systems that doctors can cure or heal a wide range of ailments that would in the past have been fatal or
extremely
debilitating. It is
also
likely that the
next
century will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
significant
advances.

In conclusion
, although there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
advances in society over the last two hundred years, the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have had their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
saved or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by medical breakthroughs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it seem incontrovertible that it is these medical advances that have been the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
significant
.

IELTS essay The breakthroughs in medical science are by far the most significant advances in world society over the last two centuries. Discuss this statement and give your opinion.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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