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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this .

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. 7DG3
In many countries, there are more and more young people take a gap year after finishing high school. There are advantages and disadvantages of taking the gap year. However, I think this is an opportunity for them to have a clear career path and better financial position before going to the university Almost young people at this age don’t have much life experience, thus they merely know what they want to do or become in the future. Taking a gap year allows them to be exposed to the world to discover what works and what doesn’t work for them by taking a job or joining volunteer activities so they can define the meaning of their life and focus on the important things. In addition, taking a gap year might help them have better financial preparation. In the gap year period, they can take a job and earn more money for the future expending such as university tuition fees, additional education, taking health care services. So that they don’t have to worry too much when starting a 4-year university journey. In a nutshell, I do agree to have a gap year after graduation, which allows for having a clearer career path and finance preparation. With this advantage, they will be good for a long term journey
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, there are more and more young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after finishing high school. There are advantages and disadvantages of taking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is an opportunity for them to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
career path and better financial position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to the university

Almost young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at this age don’t have much life experience,
thus
they
merely
know what they want to do or become in the future. Taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
be exposed
to the world to discover what works and what doesn’t work for them by taking a job or joining volunteer activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can define the meaning of their life and focus on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things.

In addition
, taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them have better financial preparation. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
period, they can take a job and earn more money for the future expending such as university tuition fees, additional education, taking health care services.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that they don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry too much when starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
4-year
university journey.

In a nutshell, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after graduation, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
for having a clearer career path and finance preparation. With this advantage, they will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for a long term
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
journey
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IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
214 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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