Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The best way to tackle the problem of obesity is to educate people about healthy eating. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

The best way to tackle the problem of obesity is to educate people about healthy eating. v. 1
There were many people who were obese nowadays due to the lack of proper education as to how an individual should eat and be healthy. However, although I agree that educating a person is a good way to tackle problem of obesity, I don’t believe that it is the best way. On the one hand, obesity problems are handled effectively by teaching individuals about eating healthy. First, a lot of fast food which were available in most of the shops tempt us to taste them, which many fall for the trap. Also, because of the appetizing nature of those foods and lack of awareness about the ill effects of those products are probably the main causes of obesity. The most positive aspect of teaching people, however, is to help one differentiate between the healthy and the unhealthy food. However, despite the obvious benefits of coaching each one of them separately, I still believe that regular exercise provides better results than educating people. Even though a person is educated on eating healthy diet and sticking to it, due to certain job types, for example, sedentary jobs increase the risks of obesity. So, in order to deal with this, one can do physical exercise by going to the Gym or bicycling to work, which will greatly help in reducing the extra fat contents from the body. Finally, probably the best method to work on the problem of obesity is by living a healthy lifestyle. Education and awareness help one with taking decision to eat healthy food, but lifestyle changes help in improving lot better than them. For example, cutting down on video games, reducing screen time, go on foot for stores nearby and using cars less often, also support in an efficient way. In short, while I agree that education is necessary to take on the problem of obesity, I still believe that regular exercise or living a healthy lifestyle is better.
There were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who were obese nowadays due to the lack of proper education as to how an individual should eat and be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
However
, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that educating a person is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of obesity, I don’t believe that it is the best way.

On the one hand, obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are handled
effectively
by teaching individuals about eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food which were available in most of the shops tempt us to taste them, which
Possible agreement error. The noun fall seems to be countable; consider using: "many falls".
many fall
for the trap.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the appetizing nature of those foods and lack of awareness about the ill effects of those products are
probably
the main causes of obesity. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
however
, is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
one differentiate between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and the unhealthy food.

However
, despite the obvious benefits of coaching each one of them
separately
, I
still
believe that regular exercise provides better results than educating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Even though
a person
is educated
on eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet and sticking to it, due to certain job types,
for example
, sedentary jobs increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of obesity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in order to deal with this, one can do physical exercise by going to the Gym or bicycling to work, which will
greatly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in reducing the extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
contents from the body.

Finally
,
probably
the best method to work on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of obesity is by living a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle. Education and awareness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
one with taking decision to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in improving lot better than them.
For example
, cutting down on video games, reducing screen time, go on foot for stores nearby and using cars less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
,
also
support
Consider replacing "in an efficient way" with the adverb for "efficient"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an efficient way
.

In short, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that education is necessary to take on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of obesity, I
still
believe that regular exercise or living a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle is better.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The best way to tackle the problem of obesity is to educate people about healthy eating. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts