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the best way to improve public health is by increasing sport facilities. Do you agree or disagree?

the best way to improve public health is by increasing sport facilities. Kl2K9
According to statistics, sport facilities have a significant effect on public health. Hens, I totally agree with this opinion. There are a lot of surveys proving this opinion which I will explain in the next two paragraphs. In Iran, most parks, and green environments have equipped by sport facilities. Also, there are numerous bicycles which are placed in these locations. By these improvements, people motivated to consume this stuffs, and have an opportunity to exercise in an open environment, and breath the fresh air. Also, this development paved the way for taking part in group sports like, tennis, basketball, gulf, etc. All these activities are beneficial to both internal, and external health of individuals. This could be useful for all ages, ranging from children to aged people. Moreover, building more gyms, and equipping their sport stuffs will attract individuals to sign up for sports, and do sports in a totally professional way. Managers can hire coaches or sport experts, and advertise their sports to motivate all sort of people joining their classes. By attending these classes, all participants are able to improve their health as well as being expert in a specific sport. Awkward advertisements would have positive effect on this area. In conclusion, sport facilities in both open, and close-air environment would attract and motivate citizens to exercise individually or in a group, and give them an appropriate opportunity to get rid of daily issues and problems for a limited time, as well as guarantying their health physically and mentally.
According to statistics,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities have a significant effect on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Hens, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
surveys proving this opinion which I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in the
next
two paragraphs.

In Iran, most parks, and green environments have equipped by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities.
Also
, there are numerous bicycles which
are placed
in these locations. By these improvements,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
motivated to consume this stuffs, and have an opportunity to exercise in an open environment, and breath the fresh air.
Also
, this development paved the way for taking part in group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like, tennis, basketball, gulf, etc. All these activities are beneficial to both internal, and external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of individuals. This could be useful for all ages, ranging from children to aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Moreover
, building more gyms, and equipping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
stuffs will attract individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in a
totally
professional way. Managers can hire coaches or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
experts, and advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to motivate all sort of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
joining their classes. By attending these classes, all participants are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as well
as being expert in a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. Awkward advertisements would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on this area.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities in both open, and close-air environment would attract and motivate citizens to exercise
individually
or in a group, and give them an appropriate opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of daily issues and problems for a limited time,
as well
as guarantying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
physically
and mentally.
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IELTS essay the best way to improve public health is by increasing sport facilities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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