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The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. v. 3
One of the parents’ most important responsibilities is perhaps taking good care of their offspring. It is believed that it should be compulsory for all mums and dads to take parenting courses so that they are better prepared for parenthood. While I accept that such classes are beneficial, I do not agree that they should be mandatory. On the one hand, parents would benefit a great deal from parenting classes. First, such courses provide mothers and fathers with in-depth knowledge about how to raise a kid at different developmental stages. Parents who decide to take parenting courses will have a better understanding of their children’s needs; hence, they can take the best care of them. Second, mums and dads in parenting classes are equipped with basic medical training to deal with emergency situations more effectively. For instance, first aid training teaches parents what to do if their child has a high fever or a breathing issue. Similarly, many parents have a great deal of trouble dealing with troublesome teenagers who are misbehaving while going through adolescence. Despite such benefits of taking part in parenting courses or workshops, I believe that they should not be compulsory. This is because many parents, especially those who struggle financially, have to work overtime, in the evenings or even at weekends, just to make ends meet. Forcing them to attend those classes would adversely affect their work and their lives. In addition, many people would argue that parenting is an innate skill that every mother and father can naturally access once they have a child. For example, many mothers instinctively know how to hold and care for their child as soon as it is born. Moreover, many people have their own ideas about what good parenting involves due to their own upbringing, and cultural influences. Therefore, I think that parents should be free to decide whether or not they want to participate in these courses instead of being forced to do so. In conclusion, in spite of some benefits that parenting classes offer, I believe that they should be optional rather than compulsory.
One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
responsibilities is perhaps taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care of their offspring. It
is believed
that it should be compulsory for all
Possible spelling mistake found.
mums
and dads to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are better prepared for parenthood. While I accept that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
are beneficial, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they should be mandatory.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would benefit a great deal from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
First
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
provide mothers and fathers with in-depth knowledge about how to raise a kid at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
developmental stages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
who decide to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
will have a better understanding of their children’s needs;
hence
, they can take the best care of them. Second,
Possible spelling mistake found.
mums
and dads in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
are equipped
with basic medical training to deal with emergency situations more
effectively
.
For instance
,
first
aid training teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
what to do if their child has a high fever or a breathing issue.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a great deal of trouble dealing with troublesome
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who are misbehaving while going through adolescence.

Despite such benefits of taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
or workshops, I believe that they should not be compulsory. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
especially
those who struggle
financially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work overtime, in the evenings or even at weekends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. Forcing them to attend those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
would
adversely
affect their work and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
is an innate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that every mother and father can
naturally
access once they have a child.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mothers instinctively know how to hold and care for their child as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as it
is born
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
involves due to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
upbringing, and cultural influences.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be free to decide
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
they want to participate in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
instead
of
being forced
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
offer, I believe that they should be optional
rather
than compulsory.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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