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the best was to improve society

the best was to improve society aEYdX
The prompt states that the foremost way of improving leadership in several fields like government and industries is by instilling a sense of cooperation instead of competition in the minds of young people. In the modern world, conciliation among people of different beliefs has become cardinal to move forward. However, eliminating competition is also deleterious for society and without it, the progression of a society may not be possible. First of all, societies throughout the world, are diverse and consist of people of several cultures and beliefs. It is common to see progress being hampered when people oppose each other rather than seeking a middle ground. Take, for instance, the United States Senate, which is currently split between two political parties with divergent views on every pertinent topic. If the Senators were to pursue only partisan policies and not cooperate with the other political party passage of policies and laws would be impossible. It is due to certain Senators who prioritize bi-partisanship and cross party lines, that make it possible for the passage of new policies meant for the improvement of the nation. Therefore, if young people are encouraged to prioritize cooperation rather than the competition then it is possible to resolve issues plaguing modern societies. However, even though competition may harm individuals in the sense of always trying to defeat others, it improves various services and products. In the case of private firms, if they were not competing with each other, new products and services would not be developed. Without competition, companies would have a monopoly and would not work on improving their services or bringing down costs for consumers. For instance, insurance companies, are forever competing with each other and this helps people in getting better insurance prices. Airline companies have to compete with each other and this helps keep the cost of airplane tickets low. On the other hand, if people companies resorted to cooperating with each other and eliminated competition from businesses they could set their own terms and conditions and it would certainly not benefit society. Further, in politics, if no competition existed among two candidates for President then it would not lead to any new ideas or policies to resolve the predicaments faced by a nation. It is due to competing ingenuity that people are able to choose their leaders and reflect it in a nation's development. Furthermore, in the field of academics and research, it is not possible to reach development without any sense of competition. If researchers were to share their patent ideas or their research results with everyone, then it will little to do to advance any theory. It is due to competition among researchers and a sense of proving others' theories wrong that leads to the postulation of augmented theories. For instance, pharmaceutical companies are always investing heavily in the research and development of new drugs. It is due to competition among several pharma companies that new medicines become available relatively quickly. In academics, students perform well only if a sense of competition is instilled in a classroom. Students want to perform better so that they can rank higher in the class. This leads to better education and prepares them for the future world filled with people wanting to get ahead. In the final, analysis even though cooperation seems to be better for a society, it is competition among individuals that truly makes it possible for a society to move forwards.
The prompt states that the foremost way of improving leadership in several fields like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and industries is by instilling a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of cooperation
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in the minds of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the modern world, conciliation among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
beliefs has become cardinal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward.
However
, eliminating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is
also
deleterious for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and without it, the progression of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
may not be possible.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
throughout the world, are diverse and consist of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of several cultures and beliefs. It is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
progress
being hampered
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
oppose each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
rather
than seeking a middle ground. Take,
for instance
, the United States Senate, which is
currently
split between two political parties with divergent views on every pertinent topic. If the Senators were to pursue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
partisan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
and not cooperate with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
political party passage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
and laws would be impossible. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to certain Senators who prioritize bi-partisanship and cross party lines, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
for the passage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
meant for the improvement of the nation.
Therefore
, if young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are encouraged
to prioritize cooperation
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
then it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
to resolve issues plaguing modern societies.

However
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
may harm individuals in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of always trying to defeat others, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
various services and products. In the case of private firms, if they were not competing with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
products and services would not
be developed
. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
would have a monopoly and would not work on improving their services or bringing down costs for consumers.
For instance
, insurance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, are forever competing with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
insurance prices. Airline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the cost of airplane tickets low. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
companies
resorted to cooperating with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and eliminated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
from businesses they could set their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
terms and conditions and it would
certainly
not benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Further
, in politics, if no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
existed among two candidates for President then it would not lead to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
to resolve the predicaments faced by a nation. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
Did you mean "compete"?
competing
ingenuity that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to choose their leaders and reflect it in a nation's development.

Furthermore
, in the field of academics and research, it is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
to reach development without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. If researchers were to share their patent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
or their research results with everyone, then it will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to do to advance any theory. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among researchers and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of proving others' theories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
that leads to the postulation of augmented theories.
For instance
, pharmaceutical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are always investing
heavily
in the research and development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
drugs. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among several pharma
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
medicines become available
relatively
quickly
. In academics, students perform well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is instilled
in a classroom. Students want to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can rank higher in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. This leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education and prepares them for the future world filled with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wanting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ahead.

In the final, analysis
even though
cooperation seems to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among individuals that
truly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forwards.
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IELTS essay the best was to improve society

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
571 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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