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the benefits of working in summer camps

the benefits of working in summer camps K3LDL
Nowadays, summer camps have become popular with most people throughout the world because it not only brings positive effects for campers but also camp personnel as well. This passage will indicate some main advantages of working in summer camps. Firstly, working in summer camps brings many new experiences and improves soft skills for staff. In reality, most camp employees are young people with little or no professional experience. Nevertheless, working at camp will bring them chances to learn many new skills by participating in various jobs such as activities coordinator, camp cooks, camp advisor, and so on. For instance, coordinating games for children helps staff practice useful skills, namely leadership, communication and problem-solving. Building a job application with those working skills will be appreciated by employers. Secondly, camp staff will have numerous opportunities to boost their health, both physical health and mental health. Summer camps are usually held outside of the city center; thus, the air is often fresh. Furthermore, the staff must move all day, play sports and participate in different activities. All fresh air and movement will help camp personnel feel relaxed and healthy. Last but not least, working in summer camp helps staff make new friends and improve peer networking. Indeed, camp is a unique environment where the employee is surrounded by individuals similar to them in many respects. As a result, forming new relationships is simple for them. After summer camp, staff will have a network of friendships that extend from everywhere. In conclusion, working in summer camp brings numerous benefits for staff; therefore, people, especially students, should give it a try at least once.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
camps have become popular with most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
throughout the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects for campers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
camp personnel
as well
. This passage will indicate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
camps.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
camps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
. In reality, most camp employees are young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no professional experience.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at camp will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
them chances to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by participating in various jobs such as activities coordinator, camp cooks, camp advisor, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For instance
, coordinating games for children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
practice useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
namely
leadership, communication and problem-solving. Building a job application with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will
be appreciated
by employers.

Secondly
, camp
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
will have numerous opportunities to boost their health, both physical health and mental health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Summer
camps are
usually
held
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the city center;
thus
, the air is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fresh.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
all day, play sports and participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities. All fresh air and movement will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
camp personnel feel relaxed and healthy.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
camp
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
peer networking.
Indeed
, camp is a unique environment where the employee
is surrounded
by individuals similar to them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
respects.
As a result
, forming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
relationships is simple for them. After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
camp,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
will have a network of friendships that extend from everywhere.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
camp
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
numerous benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
;
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
students, should give it a try at least once.
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IELTS essay the benefits of working in summer camps

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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