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The benefits and Drawbacks of Long and Short Holidays

The benefits and Drawbacks of Long and Short Holidays G3LPB
The vacation for children is a controversial topic especially for parents because some people have the opinion that school ought to disperse more and brief holidays in the year, whereas others believe it would profit children to possess less and extended vacations. Both sides have advantages and drawbacks. When children have various holidays with a shorter span, they can sustain their concentration on learning. They sometimes cannot restore their fatigue within two days off: Saturday and Sunday. However, if Wednesday would be added to a holiday, students can take a middle rest in a week. Consequently, tiredness no longer lingers, which has a potential to lead to an improvement in children’s academic performance. On the contrary, when students have smaller, longer vacations, they can experience more challenging things such as a part-time job, studying abroad, and even backpacking. Since students get more and more busier during school periods, they now struggle to balance schoolwork and other activities. Holiday is a chance of a lifetime for them to have numerous kinds of experience and expand their knowledge. At the same time, you must not forget that not all the children are hardworking and earnest. Longer vacations would possibly spoil their passion because incentive diminishes sharply. Overall, my take on this is fewer, longer vacations would be brighter. The potential opportunity which children can get in long-term holidays outweighs thefear that they would fail to maintain enthusiasm for school learning. The best factor of being children is that one can try everything he wants without any responsibility. They should never waste the most excellent part of life.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a controversial topic
especially
for parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the opinion that school ought to disperse more and brief
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
in the year, whereas others believe it would profit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to possess less and extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
. Both sides have advantages and drawbacks.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
with a shorter span, they can sustain their concentration on learning. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
cannot restore their fatigue within two days off: Saturday and Sunday.
However
, if Wednesday would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
, students can take a middle rest in a week.
Consequently
, tiredness no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
lingers, which has a potential to lead to an improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
academic performance.

On the contrary
, when students have smaller,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
, they can experience more challenging things such as a part-time job, studying abroad, and even backpacking.

Since students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more and
Use only "busier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more busier
during school periods, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
struggle to balance schoolwork and other activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Holiday
is a chance of a lifetime for them to have numerous kinds of experience and expand their knowledge. At the same time, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not forget that not all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are hardworking and earnest.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
would
possibly
spoil their passion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
incentive diminishes
sharply
.

Overall
, my take on this is fewer,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
would be brighter.

The potential opportunity which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
outweighs
Possible spelling mistake found.
thefear
that they would fail to maintain enthusiasm for school learning. The best factor of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is that one can try everything he wants without any responsibility. They should never waste the most excellent part of life.
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IELTS essay The benefits and Drawbacks of Long and Short Holidays

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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