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the benefit part-time for students

the benefit part-time for students q1l9E
In the world day, most of the students like taking a part-time job during college. Of course, they can benefit a lot from doing jobs because of these advantages below. Firstly, a part-time job can give you money. A university student has to be independent and spend tuition and cost of living. So a part-time job will decrease their economy, especially if you are a poor student. Secondly, doing part-time help you bring a lot of experience for students. As an example, teaching gives you some teaching experience, it is very useful for those who want to become a teacher, or translating can improve your language. Finally, doing part-time can make new friends, especially you have a lot of opportunities when you are working foreign companies or large organizations. I think that doing part-time is very good for students, but you should a convenient part-time job for your career in the future.
In the world day, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like taking a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
during college.
Of course
, they can benefit a lot from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these advantages below.
Firstly
, a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can give you money. A university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be independent and spend tuition and cost of living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will decrease their economy,
especially
if you are a poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
part-time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. As an example, teaching gives you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teaching experience, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for those who want to become a teacher, or translating can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your language.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
part-time can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends,
especially
you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opportunities when you are working foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or large organizations. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
part-time is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you should a convenient part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for your career in the future.
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IELTS essay the benefit part-time for students

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
152 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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