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The basic details of several person is captured by big internet firms and corporations,

The basic details of several person is captured by big internet firms and corporations, KWJVN
The basic details of several person is captured by big internet firms and corporations, where I believe that more weaknesses can be discussed than the benefits. As per the today content, Most of the firms will ask the basic information of their customers which will be added to the big data management system. Their primary objective of gathering details is offer better customer service. But secondary objective has become to promote the targeted advertisements on Facebook and Google advertising. For example, when a person sing on a website for ordering cakes, but they might receive more ads from other clothing places which didn’t request. In addition, worse scenario is personal data can be shared among third parties and no guarantee to maintaining the privacy of customers. Therefore, there will be a high risk of hacking organizations’ data system which individual’s high sensitive information can be misused by others. Hacking some important person’s is a good example to show the risk of sharing basic details with firms. On the other hand, online companies have a right to collect the personal information where they need to provide better customer experience. Due to the internal process, customers will be received the more information about the companies which are more relevant. For example introducing a new youth product which is communicated directly to the younger segments. In conclusion, my opinion is weaknesses outweigh the benefits of gathering individual’s personal details unless government should not involve in order to regulate and control the process of online firms. And prior confirmation to be taken from the customers before share the unauthorized advertisements.
The basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
of
Possible agreement error. The noun person seems to be countable; consider using: "several people", "several persons".
several person
is captured
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
internet firms and corporations, where I believe that more weaknesses can
be discussed
than the benefits.

As per the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
content, Most of the firms will ask the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
which will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
data management system. Their primary objective of gathering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
is offer better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
service.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
secondary objective has become to promote the targeted advertisements on Facebook and Google advertising.
For example
, when a person
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "sings".
sing
on a website for ordering cakes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they might receive more ads from other clothing places which didn’t request.
In addition
, worse scenario is personal data can
be shared
among third parties and no guarantee to maintaining the privacy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
.
Therefore
, there will be a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of hacking organizations’ data system which individual’s high sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can
be misused
by others. Hacking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'person'.
person’s
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of sharing basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
with firms.

On the other hand
, online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have a right to collect the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
where they need to provide better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
experience. Due to the internal process,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
will
be received
the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which are more relevant.
For example
introducing a new youth product which
is communicated
directly
to the younger segments.

In conclusion
, my opinion is weaknesses outweigh the benefits of gathering individual’s personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
unless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not involve in order to regulate and control the process of online firms. And prior confirmation to
be taken
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
share the unauthorized advertisements.
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IELTS essay The basic details of several person is captured by big internet firms and corporations,

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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