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Is it better to travel during a gap year rather than get a job?

Is it better to travel during a gap year rather than get a job? m2BXn
More and more school-leavers take a gap year instead of going to university nowadays. Travel is a great way to spend time for wealthy young. Some, on the other hand, take a year to find a job and save money. To begin with, some students grew up in small villages or towns so that their parents don't afford to pay the tuition fee in university. That's why some decide to get a job after school and save up for study next. Some, however, don't want to be under their parent's feet, make money for themself. But the rest, school-leavers have the choice of traveling around the world. Going to a new place helps them not only see landscapes but also discover a new culture. When going travel, they have to plan the journey themself, which makes them more independent and self-reliant. In addition, travel also broadens their perspective on life and creates more opportunities for them truly understand themself. Therefore, they can make the right decision in the future. In conclusion, either traveling or getting a job is a great way to experience the gap year. You can get a suitable choice for yourself, which depends on your conditions and purposes.
More and more school-leavers take a gap year
instead
of going to university nowadays. Travel is a great way to spend time for wealthy young.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
,
on the other hand
, take a year to find a job and save money.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students grew up in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
villages or towns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their parents don't afford to pay the tuition fee in university. That's why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job after school and save up for study
next
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
,
however
, don't want to be under their parent's feet,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money for
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the rest, school-leavers have the choice of traveling around the world. Going to a new place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
landscapes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
discover a new culture. When going travel, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
plan the journey
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more independent and self-reliant.

In addition
, travel
also
broadens their perspective on life and creates more opportunities for them
truly
understand
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
.
Therefore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right decision in the future.

In conclusion
, either traveling or getting a job is a great way to experience the gap year. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a suitable choice for yourself, which depends on your conditions and purposes.
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IELTS essay Is it better to travel during a gap year rather than get a job?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
201 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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