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The bar graph below show the percentage of tourists who visited four different attraction from 2014 to 2017

The bar graph below show the percentage of tourists who visited four different attraction from 2014 to 2017 o1Qw9
The information that what number of tourists who visited in Bangkok zoo, sea World, wax museum as well as china town between 2014 and 2017 is rendered by bar graph. From an overall analysis, it is readily apparent that except Bangkok zoo more visited by tourist on other places over the year. With regards to, Bangkok zoo it accounting for 50% in 2014 after that it almost identical in two years in 2015 and 2016 respectively then in last year it shows negligible point at 10%. the percentage of tourists who visited in sea World it comprised to 70% in 2014 thereafter the percentage of tourists remained same at 50% during 2015 and 2016. Moving further, it had been observed that after 2014 more visitors went to wax museum in 2016 the strength of visitors was 80% wheares china town got less popularity then others attraction over the period.
The information that what number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
who visited in Bangkok zoo, sea World, wax museum
as well
as china town between 2014 and 2017
is rendered
by bar graph. From an
overall
analysis, it is
readily
apparent that except Bangkok zoo more visited by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
on other places over the year.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
, Bangkok zoo
Did you mean "it's accounting", "it is accounting", or "it was accounting"?
it accounting
for 50% in 2014 after that it almost identical in two years in 2015 and 2016
respectively
then in last year it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
negligible point at 10%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
who visited in sea World it comprised to 70% in 2014 thereafter the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
remained same at 50% during 2015 and 2016. Moving
further
, it had
been observed
that after 2014 more visitors went to wax museum in 2016 the strength of visitors was 80%
Possible spelling mistake found.
wheares
china town
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
less popularity
Did you mean "than"?
then
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "others'" or "other's"?
others
attraction over the period.

IELTS essay The bar graph below show the percentage of tourists who visited four different attraction from 2014 to 2017

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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