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The bar chart shows the scores of teams A, B and C over four different seasons. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The bar chart shows the scores of teams A, B and C over four different seasons.
In today's world, people have a longer life expectancy than before, especially in western societies. This has been achieved thanks to all the progress that has been made over the years in many sectors, like medicine. The main consequence of this longer life expectation is that the number of older people has considerably grown, but unlike what happened in the past, they can live very active lives. In my view, elderly people represent an important resource for society, especially from a cultural and intellectual point of view. These often are people who lived in difficult times, who experienced some of the great tragedies of the last century like the Second World War and the Holocaust. I believe it's important to listen to them, listen to their stories and finally to learn from them. Like Cicerone said: "Historia Magistra Vitae", history is life's teacher, it should serve as a lesson for the future. We should consider older people who still live today as living history books from whom we can learn how to do better in the future. Consequently, it is also important to take care of them and keep them safe and healthy. In this way, we can preserve this important resource for all of us and make them feel appreciated for what they have done in the past and what they represent today. In conclusion, I think that older people represent one of the pillars of our society for what the can still give to us, so it is our duty to take care of them as much as possible.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a longer life expectancy than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
especially
in western societies. This has
been achieved
thanks to all the progress that has
been made
over the years in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors, like medicine. The main consequence of this longer life expectation is that the number of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has
considerably
grown,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unlike what happened in the past, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
active
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In my view, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
represent an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
resource for society,
especially
from a cultural and intellectual point of view. These
The adverb 'often' usually goes after the verb 'are'.
often are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in difficult times, who experienced
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
great tragedies of the last century like the Second World War and the Holocaust. I believe it's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to listen to them, listen to their stories and
finally
to learn from them. Like Cicerone said:
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Historia
Possible spelling mistake found.
Magistra
Vitae
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, history is life's teacher, it should serve as a lesson for the future. We should consider older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
as living history books from whom we can learn how to do better in the future.

Consequently
, it is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to take care of them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them safe and healthy. In this way, we can preserve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
resource for all of us and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel appreciated for what they have done in the past and what they represent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
represent one of the pillars of our society for what the can
still
give to us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is our duty to take care of them as much as possible.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The bar chart shows the scores of teams A, B and C over four different seasons.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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