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The average weight of people is increasing day by day in all over the world.what are the causes and how it can be solved?

The average weight of people is increasing day by day in all over the world. what are the causes and how it can be solved? N3PEW
The consumption of fast food leads to increase the Weight of people. Now the weight of people is growing above average globally. This essay tend to discuss the causes of it and the possible ways to eradicate it in forthcoming paragraphs. To begin with, there are many causes of growing weight of individuals in recent time. The first and foremost reason is due to bad eating habit of people. To illustrate this, there is a global trend nowadays many youngsters like to go out in evening and consume a variety of junk and spicy food which tend to increase the Weight of their body and make them obese. Secondly, due to hectic schedule and long working hours in office, people do not get time for exercise and cooking food which laid stress on their mental and physical health. For instance, individuals who are working in office for long hours remain sit in front of computers results in obesity and also affects their eyesight. Further moving towards the possible measures to tackle the situation. The eating habit of people should be change by putting a prohibition on extensive food home deliveries by government. From the top of that, there should be replacement of oily food in school and college canteens by fruits and vegetables and also the compulsion of games and sports activities in schools. On the other hand, there should be involvement of active sessions at workplace like yoga, stretching. For general public, regime should organise running competition and also there should be opening of free gymd and stadiums for people to maintain their body fit and fine. Hence, these steps should be taken to overcome the problem. To conclude, the eating habit and long sitting in front of blue screen is the main concern of growing weight but proper exercise and healthy nutrition should mitigate the problem.
The consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
leads to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Weight
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is growing above average globally.
The verb 'tend' is plural. Did you mean: "This essay tends"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This essay tend
to discuss the causes of it and the possible ways to eradicate it in forthcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes of growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
of individuals in recent time. The
first
and foremost reason is due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To illustrate this, there is a global trend nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters like to go out in evening and consume a variety of junk and spicy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which tend to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Weight
of their body and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them obese.
Secondly
, due to hectic schedule and long working hours in office,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time for exercise and cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which laid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on their mental and physical health.
For instance
, individuals who are working in office for long hours remain sit in front of computers results in obesity and
also
affects their eyesight.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
moving towards the possible measures to tackle the situation. The eating habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
by putting a prohibition on extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
home deliveries by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. From the top of that, there should be replacement of oily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in school and college canteens by fruits and vegetables and
also
the compulsion of games and sports activities in schools.
On the other hand
, there should be involvement of active sessions at workplace like yoga, stretching. For
Consider using "public".
general public
, regime should
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
running competition and
also
there should be opening of free
Possible spelling mistake found.
gymd
and stadiums for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to maintain their body fit and fine.
Hence
, these steps should
be taken
to overcome the problem.

To conclude
, the eating habit and long sitting in front of blue screen is the main concern of growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
proper exercise and healthy nutrition should mitigate the problem.
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IELTS essay The average weight of people is increasing day by day in all over the world. what are the causes and how it can be solved?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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