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The amount of time spent on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle overweight children? Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other solutions can you suggest

The amount of time spent on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle overweight children? Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other solutions can you suggest 5Dmm
It is the opinion of many that the solution for tackling obesity among children is increased sport and exercise. It is my opinion that increasing the number of hours is not the best solution for dealing with obesity in childhood since the reasons for obesity is different and other solutions must also be considered. Obesity is caused by various reasons such as genetics and behavior. It is a complex health issue that has posed challenges in discovering effective treatments. Firstly, one of the primary reasons for children suffering from obesity due to a lack of exercise. In such cases, the introduction of increased hours of sport and exercise will be an effective solution in preventing obesity among children. Secondly, since there are multiple causes of obesity, a general solution is not effective. If obesity is genetic, increased physical exertion does not present an effective solution. Thirdly, diet is a cause for obesity as consumption of junk food can also result in obesity. The introduction of increased hours of exercise will help a proportion of obese children. In addition to this, the importance of a proper diet must also be inculcated amongst the kids. The schoolchildren must be educated to reduce fatty and sugary foods and increase foods rich in fiber in their diets. There is also a need to educate parents and their wards about the effects of obesity to ensure more awareness. To conclude, increasing the time for sport and exercise is one of the solutions to preventing and dealing with obesity among youngsters. However, since there are multiple causes for obesity, a single solution does not fit all, even among children. Other solutions such as a proper diet must also be incorporated to tackle obesity among schoolchildren.
It is the opinion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
for tackling obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
sport and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. It is my opinion that increasing the number of hours is not the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
for dealing with obesity in childhood since the reasons for obesity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
be considered
.

Obesity
is caused
by various reasons such as genetics and behavior. It is a complex health issue that has posed challenges in discovering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
treatments.
Firstly
, one of the primary reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffering from obesity due to a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. In such cases, the introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
hours of sport and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
will be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
in preventing obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Secondly
, since there are multiple causes of obesity, a general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
. If obesity is genetic,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
physical exertion does not present an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
.
Thirdly
, diet is a cause for obesity as consumption of junk food can
also
result in obesity.

The introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a proportion of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
to this, the importance of a proper diet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
be inculcated
Do not mix variants of the same word ('amongst' and 'among') within a single text.
amongst
the kids. The schoolchildren
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be educated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
fatty and sugary foods and increase foods rich in fiber in their diets. There is
also
a need to educate parents and their wards about the effects of obesity to ensure more awareness.

To conclude
, increasing the time for sport and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to preventing and dealing with obesity among youngsters.
However
, since there are multiple causes for obesity, a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
does not fit all, even among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
such as a proper diet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
be incorporated
to tackle obesity among schoolchildren.
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IELTS essay The amount of time spent on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle overweight children? Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other solutions can you suggest

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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