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The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other solutions do you suggest?

The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other solutions do you suggest? MMmoQ
It is suggested that the duration of games and physical activities should be extended by schools to resolve the issue of obese kids. I agree that exercisingand sporting are the keys to good healthas they help to reduce weight. However, I opine that healthy eating habits and school campaigns are important. To commence with, routine workout as well as playing games are essential for children’s growth. Since, in modern education, students spend most of their time in school. Consequently, it causes to increase their weight. Therefore, allocating separate slots for physical exercises and sports activities will provide a healthy lifestyle within school community. Furthermore, it can make them well informed about various sports as numerous pupils are nowadays holding more interest in it. To illustrate, a studyby UK’s psychology states that kids who play are more likely to be healthiest than those who do not. Admittedly, there are several other keys can be taken into consideration to lessen the body fat. Firstly, healthiest mind stays in a healthy body. Eventually, it is becoming a responsibility of parents to take care of their adolescent’s diet. Guardians are needed to educate their offspring to live active life by providing them healthful and flavoursome food as current generation is fond of eating flavorous meal. For instance, healthy eating plan could be different flavoured oats, fruits, different kinds of salads or vegetables, walnuts, yogurt with fruit and many more. Also, prevent them from eating junk food and fizzy drink. Concurrently, the campaigns organised by schools can be the great idea. Students will be familiar with the causes of this dilemma. In addition, they must include some quizzes in order to check the children comprehension related to healthiness. To conclude, it can be deducted that the increased physical activities by the institutions will be compatible. Simultaneously, parents and school’s expedition should responsible to tackle this obstacle.
It
is suggested
that the duration of games and physical activities should
be extended
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to resolve the issue of obese kids. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
exercisingand
sporting are the keys to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
healthas
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
weight.
However
, I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
campaigns are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

To commence with, routine workout
as well
as playing games are essential for children’s growth. Since, in modern education, students spend most of their time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Consequently
, it causes to increase their weight.
Therefore
, allocating separate slots for physical exercises and sports activities will provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
community.
Furthermore
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
about various sports as numerous pupils are nowadays holding more interest in it. To illustrate, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
studyby
UK’s psychology states that kids who play are more likely to be healthiest than those who do not.

Admittedly
, there are several other keys can
be taken
into consideration to lessen the body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
Firstly
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the healthiest".
healthiest
mind stays in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body.
Eventually
, it is becoming a responsibility of parents to take care of their adolescent’s diet. Guardians
are needed
to educate their offspring to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
active life by providing them healthful and
Possible spelling mistake found.
flavoursome
food as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation is fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
Possible spelling mistake found.
flavorous
meal.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
plan could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavoured' is British English.
flavoured
oats, fruits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of salads or vegetables, walnuts, yogurt with fruit and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
junk food and fizzy drink.
Concurrently
, the campaigns
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can be the great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. Students will be familiar with the causes of this dilemma.
In addition
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quizzes in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the children comprehension related to healthiness.

To conclude
, it can
be deducted
that the increased physical activities by the institutions will be compatible.
Simultaneously
, parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
expedition should responsible to tackle this obstacle.
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IELTS essay The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other solutions do you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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