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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this. 85aQm
Nowadays, students are supported for travelling or working before entering their university studies. For many people, this type of experience motivates and inspire. However, there are both pros and cons to deciding to do this. In this essay, I will discuss some of the reasons why young students are motivated to travel after finishing their schooling for a year. To begin with, there are many advantages of taking a year break after finishing high school. One of the main positives of travelling or working is developing their communication skills. What I mean by this is that students can learn various languages and helps in increased social relationships. For instance, a number of students in canada work part-time for their livelihood. Yet, it helps them in making new friends with other international students by learning their language and by communicating with them. This can make you understand how working helps young people. Secondly, by travelling people can improve their knowledge. Take pupil from wealthy families as example. They travel to other countries during their break. As a result, they tend to acquire more information about other countries such as learning about traditions, history and their cultures. In addition, they can easily learn language while communicating with others in their vacation. On the other side of argument, working or travelling during their year break has also some disadvantages like not able to concentrate on studies after work or travel. To be more precise, usually students will loose their concentration after having a long break. Which have an impact on their studies by resulting in decrease in their grades. Another issue is that sometimes they might have relationship affairs, which leads to focusing more on their relationship instead of their studies. In conclusion, it can be reiterated that taking a year break for working or travelling has both merits and demerits. Personally, I believe the benefits in terms of improving communication skills and knowledge eventually outweigh the benefit.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are supported
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering their university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, this type of experience motivates and inspire.
However
, there are both pros and cons to deciding to do this. In this essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons why young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are motivated
to travel after finishing their schooling for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
after finishing high school. One of the main positives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is developing their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. What I mean by this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn various languages and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in increased social relationships.
For instance
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
canada
work part-time for their livelihood.
Yet
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in making new friends with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by learning their language and by communicating with them. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you understand how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Secondly
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge. Take pupil from wealthy families as example. They travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
.
As a result
, they tend to acquire more information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries such as learning about traditions, history and their cultures.
In addition
, they can
easily
learn language while communicating with others in their vacation. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of argument,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
has
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages like not able to concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
after work or travel. To be more precise,
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their concentration after having a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
have an impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
by resulting in decrease in their grades. Another issue is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they might have relationship affairs, which leads to focusing more on their relationship
instead
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
In conclusion
, it can
be reiterated
that taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
has both merits and demerits.
Personally
, I believe the benefits in terms of improving communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge
eventually
outweigh the benefit.
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IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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