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The amount of time spend on sport and exercise be increased in school in orser to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with problem?

Nowadays obesity is a popular issue in every country. They discussing how they will maintain the healthy body of the children if they did not do some exercises and they did not eat healthy food. Some people believe that school will give more extra time for sport and exercise it will help the pupils to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I believe that giving extra time for physical education is not enough to decrease the amount of overweight in children. Firstly the several students are not interested to play outside, they choose to play online game’s and it’s not good for them. Teachers and parents should not allow the students to use some gadgets like cellphones, tablets and other technology that will not help them to reduce their weight. Guardian will explain to their children that exercising is good and healthy for them. Secondly, a healthy body starts at the house. The parents will know what food is the best for her/his children. Preparing healthy diet food is important and parents should show that they are eating the food that they prepare so their children will encourage to eat them. Do not allow the children to eat unhealthy food like junk food and soft drinks. Do some exercises together with the children. In conclusion, showing eating healthy food and doing exercise will encourage the children do the same as you did. Giving extra time to make the children healthy is not valid reason because the parents should be the one teaches their child to be healthy. Teacher and parents will help each other to maintain the healthy body diet.
Nowadays obesity is a popular issue in every country.
A verb seems to be missing. Did you mean “They’re discussing”, “They are discussing”, or “They were discussing”?
They discussing
how they will maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if they did not do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
exercises and
they did not eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that school will give more extra time for sport and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the pupils to maintain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.

I believe that giving extra time for physical education is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to decrease the amount of overweight in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
the several students are not interested to play outside, they choose to play online game’
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
s and
it’s not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them. Teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
gadgets like cellphones, tablets and other technology that will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their weight. Guardian will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that exercising is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
for them.

Secondly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will know what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the best for her/his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that they are eating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that they
Use a comma before ‘so’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
prepare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will encourage to eat them. Do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to eat unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and soft drinks. Do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
together with the children.

In conclusion
, showing eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
will encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do the same as you did. Giving extra time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
is not valid reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be the one teaches their child to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. Teacher and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body diet.
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IELTS essay The amount of time spend on sport and exercise be increased in school in orser to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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