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The amount of drinkable water for people is decreasing. Why is this? What can be done?

The amount of drinkable water for people is decreasing. Why is this? What can be done? RNy0Q
It is common knowledge that the vast quantity of water available for humans to drink is reducing in recent years. There is a series of causes, yet we can take some straightforward measures to tackle this matter. In my view, there are three major factors leading to this decrease. First of all, industrialisation in many parts of the world contributes to global warming as a result of which water is evaporating more than it used to. Secondly, modern intensive farming spoils the quality of soil, causing soil to have more salt in its content and in the consequence of that water becomes salty and useless to be drunk. For instance, throughout four last decades water in Aral sea has lessened in size due to the land which contains excessive salt. Finally, incorrect utilization of water resources such as rivers, ponds and lakes in agriculture and in public plays a part in lessening the volume of fresh water. For example, watering fields abundantly and washing cars or carpets with drinkable water in which millions of cubic metres of water is used up. Several steps can be done to slow the speed of water de8cline. To start with, industrialization should be neglected which stops the acceleration of temperature raise. Also, turning to organic farming will not destroy ground and no salt will emerge in water sources. Simultaneously, if governments supervise how much and what water is being used by small businesses providing cleaning service for population and set regulations, it will certainly mitigate the case. Furthermore, applying less and low-quality water for carpet or vehicle washing and watering plants sensibly can be a good approach in solving this issue. In conclusion, domestic water will proceed to be more scarce unless governments, farmers build awareness of possible negative effects and take control of water use.
It is common knowledge that the vast quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
available for humans to drink is reducing in recent years. There is a series of causes,
yet
we can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
straightforward measures to tackle this matter.

In my view, there are three major factors leading to this decrease.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world contributes to global warming
as a result
of which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is evaporating more than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to.
Secondly
, modern intensive farming spoils the quality of soil, causing soil to have more salt in its content and in the consequence of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
becomes salty and useless to
be drunk
.
For instance
, throughout four last decades
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Aral sea
has lessened in size due to the land which contains excessive salt.
Finally
, incorrect utilization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
resources such as rivers, ponds and lakes in agriculture and in public plays a part in lessening the volume of fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
For example
, watering fields
abundantly
and washing cars or carpets with drinkable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in which millions of cubic
Possible spelling mistake. 'metres' is British English.
metres
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
up.

Several steps can
be done
to slow the speed of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
de8cline. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
Do not mix variants of the same word ('industrialization' and 'industrialisation') within a single text.
industrialization
should
be neglected
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
the acceleration of temperature raise.
Also
, turning to organic farming will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
ground and no salt will emerge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
sources.
Simultaneously
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
supervise how much and what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses providing cleaning service for population and set regulations, it will
certainly
mitigate the case.
Furthermore
, applying less and low-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for carpet or vehicle washing and watering plants
sensibly
can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
approach in solving this issue.

In conclusion
, domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
will proceed to be more scarce unless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, farmers build awareness of possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects and take control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
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IELTS essay The amount of drinkable water for people is decreasing. Why is this? What can be done?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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