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some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations.

some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. n6VxK
Many people assume that working life-time in one company is the best idea. Nevertheless, others suggest that working in some different companies would be the best decision. I personally agree with working for different organizations and I truly believe that we can get more benefits in our lives because we work in several companies. First of all, some people prefer to work in one company for their entire life. Therefore, they would obtain plenty of knowledge from that organization and also the experience of working. In addition, they will get more opportunities to be promoted in a higher position. Moreover, it can be a big challenge to be adapted to the new environment of business working. For instance, when the manager provided them with typical jobs, they would be able to finish it properly because they already have skills in that field. However, it can be very dull and monotonous because they just do what they usually do. On the other hand, others perspective mostly refers to spend working time in distinct companies. Firstly, they afford to take a risk into the new environment and attempt to do something more. They tend to be open-minded and creative for confronting any situation with calm ways. Another reasons, they are not doubted to make decisions as they have been working in different places with millions of experiences. For example, when someone who has resigned from the company, automatically that person is trying to discover other jobs instead of that and without being discouraged until they get it. In conclusion, we truly believe that work in many companies are very interesting because we can build our confidence to handle our assignment and gain more experience. Moreover, it can be easier for employees to deal with new challenges in every new company thus they can be familiar with a diverse kind of environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life-time in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
Nevertheless
, others suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
would be the best decision. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
organizations and I
truly
believe that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more benefits in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we work in several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to work in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for their entire life.
Therefore
, they would obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of knowledge from that organization and
also
the experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
In addition
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more opportunities to
be promoted
in a higher position.
Moreover
, it can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
challenge to
be adapted
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment of business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
For instance
, when the manager provided them with typical jobs, they would be able to finish it
properly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they already have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in that field.
However
, it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
dull and monotonous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do what they
usually
do.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others perspective
mostly
refers to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
time in distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
Firstly
, they afford to take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment and attempt to do something more. They tend to be open-minded and creative for confronting any situation with calm ways. Another reasons, they are not doubted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions as they have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places with millions of experiences.
For example
, when someone who has resigned from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
automatically
that person is trying to discover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
jobs
instead
of that and without
being discouraged
until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it.

In conclusion
, we
truly
believe that work in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can build our confidence to handle our assignment and gain more experience.
Moreover
, it can be easier for employees to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
challenges in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
thus
they can be familiar with a diverse kind of environment.
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IELTS essay some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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