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The advantages of a growing of young people.

The advantages of a growing of young people. QM7NL
There are many benefits of this situation. Firstly, the country can swiftly develop because it has many young people who have many grown-breaking ideas and spiritually exert the effort to improve themselves. Secondly, the country will have a lot of modern tourist attractions to attract plenty of people and make the country rich. Lastly, it will surge of many start-up businesses and new knowledge. However, it also has a drawback which is a busy town make busy life. People must be compete to be successful. It makes people stressed and low self-esteem
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of this situation.
Firstly
, the country can
swiftly
develop
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because
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
grown-breaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and
spiritually
exert the effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves.
Secondly
, the country will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
modern tourist attractions to attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the country rich.
Lastly
, it will surge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up businesses and new knowledge.
However
, it
also
has a drawback which is a busy town
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
busy life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Consider using the past participle "competed"?
compete
to be successful. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and low
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
self-esteem
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IELTS essay The advantages of a growing of young people.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
91 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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