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Nowadays celebrities (superstars, idols, stars, personalities) are more famous for their glamor and wealth than for their achievements, and this is a bad example to adolescents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays celebrities (superstars, idols, stars, personalities) are more famous for their glamor and wealth than for their achievements, and this is a bad example to adolescents. NWPgq
It is a heated topic that superstars are being well-known for glamor and richness instead of achieving their goals, which is a bad thing for the youth. I completely agree with the statement. First of all, teenagers are more likely to be attracted to the beauty and affluence of the ones they admire. They do not show anything besides their richness on the internet, which makes many kids think posting value things they would be famous too. For instance, to become worldwide, the idols post something about new things such as purses, phones, and other accessories, the admirer would gather everything they have just to have what the stars own. This could lead to immersing themselves in enjoyment rather than working to reach the targets. Second of all, nowadays more and more people become famous relying on scandals to push themselves up, which they can accomplish their aim to be a celeb due to the dramas they make. Moreover, using tricks and relationships are easier to get in the showbiz world than showing talents to the audience. Consequently, this badly affected the thoughts of adolescents. For example, most “celebrities” that got out of their scandals have had a very strong physical and mental health to get through their “dark times”. If they overcame the situation, they would draw the attention of people to follow and protect them. However, to those who can not bear with the attack of the internet, they would end up being depressed and stressed, if worse, they can take their own lives because of anxiety. In conclusion, it is a topic which has been argued and still no good solutions to be found. The teenager needs to have full knowledge about the things they do, showing their works are better than presenting the physical and wealth to the world.
It is a heated topic that superstars are being well-known for
glamor
and richness
instead
of achieving their goals, which is a
bad
thing for the youth. I completely
agree
with the statement.

First of all
,
teenagers
are more likely to
be attracted
to the beauty and affluence of the ones they admire. They do not
show
anything
besides
their richness on the internet, which
makes
many
kids
think
posting value things they would be
famous
too.
For instance
, to become worldwide, the idols post something about new things such as purses, phones, and other accessories, the admirer would gather everything they have
just
to have what the stars
own
. This could lead to immersing themselves in enjoyment
rather
than working to reach the targets.

Second of all, nowadays more and more
people
become
famous
relying on scandals to push themselves up, which they can accomplish their aim to be a celeb due to the dramas they
make
.
Moreover
, using tricks and relationships are easier to
get
in the showbiz world than showing talents to the audience.
Consequently
, this
badly
affected
the thoughts of adolescents.
For example
, most “celebrities” that
got
out of their scandals have had a
very
strong physical and mental health to
get
through their “dark times”. If they overcame the situation, they would draw the attention of
people
to follow and protect them.
However
, to those who can not bear with the attack of the internet, they would
end
up
being depressed
and
stressed
, if worse, they can take their
own
lives
because
of anxiety.

In conclusion
, it is a topic which has
been argued
and
still
no
good
solutions to
be found
. The
teenager
needs to have full knowledge about the things they do, showing their works are better than presenting the physical and wealth to the world.
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IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities (superstars, idols, stars, personalities) are more famous for their glamor and wealth than for their achievements, and this is a bad example to adolescents.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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